365 Day Blog challenge Day 42: 31 Days of Self-Love: Day 11 #365daychallenge

How would you describe yourself in a loving manner to a stranger?

I literally have no idea. All I can think of is what I put in my personal statement for interviews. So, organised, Good with communicating with venues when I organised book clubs, helping others by volunteering especially at parkrun and seeing others achieving their goals whilst giving something back to parkrun for allowing me to get a timed 5k run amongst some fabulous people. I’m good at organising, budgeting at work but not in my on life, or what it seems to be. I have terrible money problems for as long as I remember but more so since living on ym own as it’s been a form of emotional spending. In the last few years I have tried using a spreadsheet to account for all the bills etc and yet I still end up completely broke at the end of each month, in fact by the time payday has come I get over excited and within a few days I have spent any spare cash I have. I’ve done again this month after being so careful over January. But hopefully I’m beginning to learn my lesson and I’ll slowly be able to start paying debts off as well saving  a little for ‘unexpected events’ or just to treat myself to a new book, some clothes or a take away coffee (something I don’t do as much now I don’t work in town).

I know one thing, I worry and overthink too much, I stress over little things and I don’t know how to relax, simply because I don’t believe I deserve to relax or to be liked or to enjoy things. Don’t get me wrong I get really excited if someone unexpectedly gives me a present or buys me a coffee, I love the simple things in life, but sometimes I just freak out at the attention given to me when I’m always looking out for others.

This year I decided to try be different and focus more on myself and so far I’m not doing a good job of it. I have changed my diet quite a bit, I have tried to cook from scratch, The other week though I bought a ready meal for the first time in ages as I fancied sweet and sour chicken and it was easier to pop to the shop and buy it rather than make it from scratch. I’ve since seen Saturday Morning with James Martin and seen a recipe on there which I hope to make myself at some point.

So as you can see I’ve totally avoided today’s challenge and haven;t come up with a clear answer to how to describe myself. Perhaps I’ll try again when the challenge is finished. Now I’m off for a coffee and biscuit.

Thank you for reading

xxx

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