365 Day Blog challenge Day 35: 31 Days of Self-Love: Day 4 #365daychallenge

‘What is the compliment that you struggle about yourself?’

This is a tricky one, I’m not good at taking praise or compliments. I think it’s because I have low self-esteem/self-worth, I just do what I do as that’s how it’s always been. I’ve been told I have a bubbly personality, always smiling and get on with people, but I don’t always see that, I think I’m more a bit dippy and take things to seriously and then there’s the negative side of me that I try so hard to suppress it seems to constantly overpower me.

So to the compliment. Last year I was chatting via FB messenger to a friend, we met nearly 20 years ago at college and when we left we lost touch for a while and then by the power of social media started chatting again.  Last year I was struggling with work and we got chatting. One of the things he said to me, (part of it below) made me think he was talking about someone else, but it made me realise it wasn’t the first time someone had said something similar to me.

‘ ….but are still one of the most resilient people I know. You always bounce back from adversity no matter how many knocks you take and you carry on regardless. That’s courageous and super impressive.’

But me courageous? I just keep going as I don’t know what else to do. Sadly when things get too much I dig myself a massive hole and try to hide away from everything but in the last couple of years that’s not worked. I felt like I lost everything when I became single and then it was a downward spiral and I lost a job I loved, I was struggling with money and I felt I had nothing to show for my life. It got to the point I just took a job to pay the bills and not because I wanted something out of it. All I ever wanted was a career, I think the problem has been I’ve never know what in. I never believed I was good enough in photography and when I did get a job as a photographer it eventually made me lose my love for it as others didn’t appreciate the value we had in it.

The thing is, we always need to grow and develop but change is hard, I’ve always felt I’ve battled against it and yet when I embrace it, it always seems to me the end of something, and that’s when I start to fall apart.But perhaps I should start realising it could actually be the end of that chapter and try looking at it another way and change how I do things or it might just be the end of that adventure and start of a completely different one.

I’ve said it before, you’re never to old to learn and with how technology is progressing we need to keep up to date with the latest fads. We don’t necessarily have to use them, as I learnt the hard way, but it’s good to know what’s out there. But people fear change, they don’t like it if you progress or want to leave or do anything different, and yes I admit in the past I’ve got scared when friends and family have gone on to do other things, and yes sometimes felt left behind,  I’m no different to anyone else, I just sometimes don’t react in the right way.

So as I struggle to write this, and wonder what I can do differently, I would like to hear your thoughts, what compliments do you struggle with? comment below.

Thank you for reading

xxx

 

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