‘What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?’
I don’t know how to love myself. I’ve always put others first
I don’t believe I deserve love
And yet I have a great group of friends and family but sometimes can’t understand why they love me or like me.
I’ve always felt in the shadows
I’m not important
I’ve always put others first, because there was always something happening that needed me to be the ‘strong one’ or so it seemed
It dates back to living under the shadow or tension of my Dad’s moods always made me question what I did wrong when he sulked for months on end.
I make bad choices
I send out the wrong vibes
I don’t feel worthy. I always thought if I was something, i.e. had a career, a house, a car, was someone’s wife that would make me someone.
These are beliefs I’ve carried with me for years and never been able to break, I’ve managed to work on them and then one little thing can trigger me off and it all falls apart again. I have some amazing people in my life and they say I am amazing, bubbly, have so much to offer and never stop fighting, but I don’t see that. I see a failure, a broken person who has no clue what she wants or who she should be. But hopefully with a little help and some work, 2018 will be the making of me.
When I searched the internet for an answer I found a blog with the following guide (see below) Link here to the website.
- Set aside time for fun everyday. Even if you don’t know what it will be, just set aside time for it. Write down fun on the calendar, even when you think you can’t possibly fit it in. What are some fun things you wanted to do in 2017, that you never got around to? Start with those today.
- Practice being grateful. When you wake up in the morning, I want you to think of 10 things you are grateful for. Instead, of thinking about your list of things to do. Start the day by giving your mind a break. You don’t have to work on your list first thing in the morning. You can also think of what you are grateful for, before you go to bed. Start with a warm bed to sleep in and a roof over your head.
- Plan to travel. You can go on a day trip, or go away for the weekend. Start planning your summer vacation now. You can visit a place you’ve been before or try a new adventure. Start talking about travel with your friends and family. Ask them what their travel plans are? You can also talk about your travel plans with them. Talk about places you’d like to visit. Invite them to go with you.
- Create a positive mindset. Take a good look at your thought process. How positive is it? Do you tend to focus on the negative, or go over all the regrets you have about the past? Are you constantly worried about the future? Do you spend a lot of time predicting that things won’t work out? If you said yes to any of these questions, then it’s time to change your mindset. Start by enjoying the present moment. Take a look at your surroundings and start to slow down. Don’t believe the lies that your mind tells you. Start by picking one positive affirmation to focus on today. One of my favorites is, I Am Enough.
- And last but not least, go easy on yourself. I find most people tend to be the hardest on themselves. You are constantly beating yourself up. Comparing yourself to others, is one of the worst things you can do. You will never feel good enough. The next time you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Learn what you can and move forward. Everybody makes mistakes, it’s called being a human being.
Take time for yourself everyday. Even if it’s 10 minutes, it will make a big difference. Stop spending time with negative people. They will only drain your energy. When you start to take care of yourself, you will begin to see your attitude and mood change. You will start to feel better about yourself. It will be much easier to say no and set healthy boundaries for yourself.
I am one lucky person to have got where I have even if it isn’t what I wanted or expected but I have a great support network and I’m thankful for that. And so for the next 31 days I’m going to try some self care. Wish me luck.
Thank you for reading