I don’t think I’ve ever blogged when I’ve felt happy. Or felt completely grateful and lucky to be me. Yes I’m not perfect. Yes I’m not a mum, a girlfriend or a high flying business woman that I once dreamt of. Instead its just little old me. Helen. Helen who, as pointed out today by a lovely friend and by others, that the achievements I wanted years ago and thought would only make me accepted as a human have changed.
Instead I have something different. I have in the past, recorded and edited radio shows, run book clubs and was a manager for 8 years. These days I’m running a house on my own (this apparently is a big thing in itself, my friend pointed this out today) I am involved in volunteering with park run. I have two big events this year, the Leeds 10k and The Great North Run. Only problem is I can’t find the motivation to run at the moment as all I want to do is sleep. So I’m trying to walk everywhere to get my fitness back. 8 miles done today.
Over the winter I did a 6 week stress course and realised I’m not alone. I have learned some skills but I am still putting them in to practice. I’m also learning a new set of skills with my job. Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?
Recently I’ve started feeling like I don’t want to get out of bed, and yesterday I didn’t want to eat. I was worried. then thanks to some lovely friends I felt normal again. Today I met up with one of them and had a good chat and we put the world to rights and I felt amazing.
I think as Adults we forget that we still need help. at 18 we’re expected to act as adults. In our 30’s we should have it together. We should be in a relationship, have a house, kids etc. But sometimes that doesn’t happen. Like in my case I keep picking the wrong ones.
I’ve took a good look at myself recently and I know where my issues lie. I know what I need to do. But sometimes I don’t think others do. So this is to those out there, please remember we may look the same but we’re not. We all learn differently, we all react differently, we all have hormones that drive us crazy, and we all need help. Whether its an unexpected hug, a cup of tea/coffee, or someone to walk or run with, we just need to show people we’re there. People take the simple things for granted, I don’t, I love them and I miss them. Hence why today I treated myself to a subway, and made myself sit down and take time out.
Today was amazing. I hope I can get another day like that.
Thank you for reading