Step back

After an amazing weekend off, my first 5k at park run in an amazing time of 34mins 48 secs, I’ve realised there’s something not quite right. Even though I started going to the gym a few weeks ago and loving it and that its the one place that I feel safe, there’s something been niggling me. All this exercise and healthy eating to help improve my memory, aid the depression and vitamin D seems to be sending me backwards. The only way I can describe it is I’m being eaten alive from the inside out.

I’ve found recently things have just got on top of me. Having to deal with uncooperative people, excessive heat, extra work load and trying to fit in time to exercise. That my I’m having days where my memory just goes. That I struggle to get through the day. Then because I beat myself up about it, head home and go straight to bed where I fall asleep until the alarm goes off the next morning. The house has become very unorganised and messy, washing up it left for days.

I have even started to find talking to people about things I’ve been doing difficult, because I get, ‘You told me earlier’ or ‘I heard’ or ‘saw it social media’

So what’s the point in talking? What’s the point in using my energies when no one wants to listen?

We were talking about this at park run on Saturday, how much of a negative person I used to be, and I can see it coming back. I can see it, because things seem to go awry when things are going good, and it’s silly, because  things can’t always be perfect, but what gets me is, I’m trying to better myself yet there always feels like a hidden force trying to pull me back. lIke i’m stuck in slime that won’t let me go.2016-06-22 18.45.59


So when I went to book an appointment at the Doctor’s to try ask for some advice, I found that he was fully booked for two weeks and that I could ring up on a morning for an emergency appointment. That doesn’t seem right to me. I only want help in seeking counselling and check if this exercise is increasing my stress levels or that I just need to give my body and brain time and they  will connect and everything will settle down.

When I had a discussion with one of the medical staff, she did tell me that exercise can cause issues with depression and anxiety, so there maybe something in it. Or it could be I just need to take a step back. Be less caring like everyone else and just take things easy. It seems to work for others. But we shall see.

Depression explained

While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time (weeks, months or even years) and sometimes without any apparent reason. Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious condition that has an impact on both physical and mental health. One in five women and one in eight men will experience depression at some point in their lives. 

While the exact cause of depression isn’t known, a number of things can be associated with its development. Generally, depression does not result from a single event, but from a combination of recent events and other longer-term or personal factors (such as family history, personality, serious medical illness or drug and alcohol use).

Exercise and anxiety here


Getting started exercising when you’re anxious or depressed

Many of us find it hard enough to motivate ourselves to exercise at the best of times. When we feel depressed, anxious, stressed or have other mental or emotional problems, it can be doubly difficult. This is especially true of depression and anxiety, and it can leave you feeling trapped in a catch-22 situation. You know exercise will make you feel better, but depression has robbed you of the energy and motivation you need to exercise, or your social anxiety means you can’t bear the thought of being seen at an exercise class or running through the park. So what can you do? More here

Thank you for reading



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