Last week I enquired with the doctors to whether I needed another blood test or just ask for a repeat prescription as my current course is running out. I started back in December after finding out I lacked Vitamin D (lack of sunlight) because I kept forgetting things. I was tested for several things, none of which I was aware of at the time. I just thought it was stress and the pill or antidepressants weren’t working anymore. I was prescribed a vitamin D and calcium supplement to take for 3 months, when I returned I had another blood test and was put on a 6 month course.
I found out by accident, I don’t know if I was mean’t to know, that my score was 37 and had risen to 48 but should be 74. since then I found out it was 30, not 37. I’ve probably already said this in a blog, but my memory is slowly working but I still repeat myself a lot :D.
I also find that I can’t see things that are directly in front of me. The amount of th=imes I’ve lost my phone, only to find it sat on the table where I’ve left it. (black on black is even worse).
While at the Doctors, I got given this, it freaked me out more than anything, I saw the 65-year-old bit and thought, great I’m screwed, could be a pensioner before I know it. It’s true, I am worried this isn’t going to fix it self in the next 3 months, even though I’ve changed my diet and I’m now training for the Leeds 10k. What if I’ve done too much damage and it’s not repairable?
I mean, I know other factors come into and yes I do need to manage how I cope with stress, but if I feel like things are getting out of control, or the slightest thing goes wrong, I panic I’ve forgotten something and that just sets me off in a whirl and then I land with a thump.
I’ve even tried sorting out counselling, but every time I ring it, just rings out, yes I have the right number, I just think they’re either avoiding me or there’s more people in Leeds that need their help than me.
That’s why I think it’s important to set goals and to plan and have a routine, one that is flexible, because every time I plan to do something at present seems to get squashed by work or the weather. But as someone said the other day, I shouldn’t be so good at my job otherwise people wouldn’t be coming back. It’s crazy, I do feel like I may be a lot slower these days, but then others just seems to fly by.
As for running, I forgot how much I loved it. The sad thing is I have a lot of demons to fight with. The last time I ran I was going through some bad stuff and before that I was running with a close friend rasising money for another charity. So I’m finding the training a bit tough. On the plus side I have an amazing pair of trainers, just like the ones from my first ever 10k, but with added support. I feel like I’m bouncing along when running. I can’t wait to be able to do a full run without having breaks. It’s simply going to be amazing.
So in the meantime, I will keep my fingers crossed that slowly the memory will return and stay. The plus points being I feel amazing, even if I do have a few off days. I just hope people will let the past go like I am trying to. But most of all I must remember this is not an easy road back to full health as I hoped. The fact being it’s down to being inside my head and body and not visible, sometimes makes it harder to say I don’t feel great and that’s why I now know the importance of catching 5 mins away from eveyrthing onmce in a while, and breathe.
Thank you for reading
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