‘My name is Michael Caine’

my name is michael  and not a lot of people know that

Well no it’s not it’s Helen, but you wouldn’t think it these days. My identity seems to be getting lost. I’m being constantly compared with others, that on some days I don’t know who I’m expected to be. And when that happens, I wonder if it’s either easier to act the way the person wants or just to shut down.

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With the seasons changing I’m finding it harder to motivate myself on a morning. My sleep patterns can vary from a fantastic 8 hour sleep to a distured 2 hour sleep. My short term memory is non existant at times, mostly when I get stressed these days, and like this morning I find I do silly things like put the TV remote in my bag and the phone on the TV/DVD player. Or I become so busy I don’t know whether I’m coming or going and jobs get missed and things go missing.

I’m also very much into self improvement. Living on my own isn’t always plain and sailing and on top of that I work long days. I do my best to ask for help but in most cases some things are best done by myself making more work for me. I have always wondered why I have been seen as a joke to some people, and why they think I don’t fit in their gang and yet sometimes I just don’t care. I will do things and sometimes not in the way people expect and yet for some it is never good enough.

Also being single doesn’t fit well with most people. I chose to be single because to me at this point in time, it is so much easier, I can’t get hurt, I don’t have to worry about others, and most of all I am on a journey to ‘fix’ myself, even know I have had  a few setbacks, I’m still shuffling along and the best bit is I can do what I want and not ask anyone’s permission.

So please don’t compare me to others, I am who I am and although however strange I may appear to you, I think I’m an alright person.

And yes I do believe Colin Firth IS the only Mr Darcy, EVER!

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Thank you for reading

xxx

 

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