A bit of a garbled piece tonight so bear with me. When we talk to ourselves it can be good or can be disastrous. This morning I was ready to stay in bed. I felt so drained. Yesterday I was constantly sneezing, my voice was croaky and I was running a temperature. My body telling me to slow down and stop. So I did. But today I had no energy what so ever, yet after a bit of self talk, I got up, got to work, and after a few hours, plenty if water and a coffee, I started to feel better. I ended the day feeling proud of myself.
How easily I could have given up though. All signs of the lurgy appear to have disappeared, I just feel drained, but because I’m not my bubbly self, and have my ‘sad/fed-up’ face on, there’s something wrong, when the only thing is wrong is I lack energy, and it feels like such an effort to do anything.
On another note, I was asked today why I take things so seriously, why I take them to heart, I really don’t know, I have done as far back as I remember. One of them could be this, after looking on the inter-web for clues, it could be down to how my Father treated me, for example, how he wouldn’t talk to me for 18months (I can’t remember it being this long) after I didn’t say morning to him one day, or because I didn’t ask if he wanted a cup of tea, and how I became very wary of others. And yes, it still affects me now. It’s crazy.
‘Low self esteem can be a result of negative life experiences, particularly when we’re young and most vulnerable. These experiences may include being criticised or judged negatively, such as from a parent or school bullies. As adults, abusive relationships and very stressful life events can also cause low self esteem.’
‘Our keen ability to read others and decipher communication comes at a cost. Some of us have never learned how to trust.’
‘You are afraid of contact with others as you imagine that they are constantly judging you and that their probing looks will obviously find your faults. So, you try to remain the most transparent and discreet possible’
‘Maybe you were brought up in an atmosphere of ‘You’ll never make the grade’ as a child. Also I was never good enough for my Dad, not in my brother’s shadow, but apparently I was too stubborn and independent, even at 10 years old????’
Something I need to learn …. along with ‘learning to rely on yourself’
‘If you think that by saying no or thinking differently from others that you will no longer be loved, it just isn’t so. Others will learn to respect you because you respect yourself.’
So after deciding to put food shopping off for a couple of days and manage with what’s in the cupboard, I’ve been searching my favourite website for answers http://www.get.gg. and I think I found some. So while I work through some of these and catch up on reading for book club, please bear with me as I work through this.
Thank you for reading