If you don’t know by now, I have been dealing with depression, in a recent post I realised that it must have been going on for a lot longer than i thought, it’s only in the past two years I have had the strength to deal with it. Even more so now.
Realising that in 4 years and 4 months I will be 40. Yes me 40 years old. ugh. and the funniest thing is it’s only now that I’m starting to feel alive, like I’ve just began waking up to who i am and what I can do. And yes i sound like a parrot, as I keep repeating myself. But it’s been a roller coaster and one that seems to forgot to stop or slow down until now.
Yesterday I went to the doctors for my quarterly review. There are now stricter rules for certain if not all antidepressants, the amount on the prescription has been changed followed with quarterly check ups. Yesterday I dreaded this one, I was going to the doctor who helped me out in the beginning and then I decided at one point to come off them thinking I was strong and ready, and I wasn’t, I felt like I had failed. I had to await a consultation to go back to original dose and a different doctor rang up and I explained the issue and his reply, it’s ok we all need a little help from time to time, it’s good that you spotted the signs and since then it’s been amazing. I was expecting this type of support.
Yesterday was the same. I said that I didn’t want anything to change until the new year, as it was leading to our busiest time at work, and i have a lot to deal with at the moment. His response was amazing, saying that with the weather and nights drawing in, it would be best to keep stable, I loved that term, i started laughing, as I do think I am going for a sanity check each time. Listen to me, i sound like a right crack pot. I promise I’m not, I just have a fun way of thinking and don’t always feel on top form and I’m working on it, constantly. Simply because as my middle name states, I am a warrior and like my Mum told me yesterday, I am strong and have always fought to get where I am today. I can’t believe I nearly gave it all up and went into a boring job.
Thank you for reading