‘and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. So… how’s your love life?’

The line from one of my favourite films. As I realised that it is only 4 years and 4 months away from my 40th Birthday and I am not where i expected to be, I realise that I don’t need to keep punishing myself. As someone pointed out the other day it is my choice to be single. And it’s true. The reason? I just don’t want to be hurt again.

Recently i have felt like I am just waking up. Waking up to a person who still have struggles, who holds down a job, runs a house, try to have a social life, runs a book club, and last of all tries to be a good Daughter and Sister and friend to the ones I love most.

Instead in some peoples eyes (and yes I should stop listening to what others say and think) I haven’t yet made it. Why? because I haven’t dated in such a long time. All my other achievements are insignificant.

I would like a family, but at the moment, I don’t need anyone else in my life and I feel someone would become dependant on me and it wouldn’t be children. I think taking on other people’s emotions and needs is such a big job these days that the romantic nature of Elizabeth and Darcy will always be a dream. But that’s how I feel. I also believe I have so much work to do on myself, hence project Helen, that I love this time I have to myself and I want to make the most of it. What I would love most is finding the time and money to go up home more regularly and see my Mum and Sister. I just seem to have fallen into some bad habits lately and need to get back to prioritising.

Currently on FB you can see what you did a year ago, and that was working in the coffee shop, I also saw a post where I planning what I was doing this year. Oh how things change. So perhaps it’s time to plan the next 4 years and 4 months and make the most of the rest of my 30’s. I you have any ideas let me know.

In the meantime some pieces from articles found on the web.

‘Don’t feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. “When you’re in a relationship it’s very hard to see yourself clearly because you’re constantly in response to your partner,” says d’Felice. Whereas when you’re single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future. “Particularly for women who have been conditioned to be givers rather than takers,” she adds, it’s an opportunity to put ourselves first. “This is not an act of selfishness,” she says. “It’s a very important act of selfhood.”‘ from an article here

an article on fictional singletons here

choices here

Thank you for reading

xxx

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4 thoughts on “‘and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. So… how’s your love life?’

  1. I think time spent alone when single is good but I also think going out on dates and managing expectations when in the beginning of a relationship is important too. Maybe you lose yourself when you’re beginning a new relationship? Maybe you give too much? Maybe you give to Little? I think it is an important exercise to learn how to be yourself while in a relationship. And know when to let go of a relationship that doesn’t fit. Also, I think the right relationship comes when it is meant to come. When you are ready.

      1. Perhaps yes. I do know that I got into the best relationship of my life only after really improving myself. I had gone through a time where I stopped my bad habits, was disciplined with food and fitness, balanced in my spiritual life, and really took care of myself. I got stronger. Everyone has a list of things we can improve about themselves. Perhaps taking time off, as I did, to really work on those things can help a great deal. xxSerena

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