Ah Sunday’s. Time to be quiet, to have me time, to be with friends and eating a full english breakfast, to be lying in bed for ages because you had too much too drink the night before or before the woking week was a long one.
Last week I had a chance to go to someones ‘not 40th Birthday Party’, My friend has never told anyone her birthday as She doesn’t like the fuss apparently but had a joint party with one of her friend’s who was just turning 32.
There were people from park run, her family, her friend’s friends and it was an amazing atmosphere. I stressed out all week about what to wear then asking my friend if she didn’t mind if I didn’t dress up went in my favourite t-shirt and skirt, the t-shirt saying ‘I have nothing to wear’. It got some right reactions in county durham I can tell you. Anyway I felt more comfortable in this and in a new group of people (some I knew) I think it paid off.
I learned a lot about myself that night. I realised how much Caroline’s friendship means to me, how others were grateful I was her friend and helped her out when moving. Especially her Parents who kept thanking me for looking after their little girl (hope she doesn’t kill me for mentioning that) I replied ‘I’m just as lucky to have her’. I also learned a bit about how others see me and what a special person that is and what more i need to do for myself. Like get drunk more often and relax!!!!
The next morning we hiked up to Horsforth to meet Caroline’s running friends and again another fantastic bunch. I felt normal. There are others who have thoughts and actions like me. Both at the party and in the cafe, like the other month in spiritual book club or at LBCPuffins on Wednesday night I felt like I belonged. I’ve been worried so much lately that Puffins wasn’t having enough attendance, that I was doing something wrong, but realised it was silly and life/work was getting in everyone’s way, oh to have a life of luxury and reading. But on Wednesday night when we sat down and started to talk about the book, I did get nervous about introducing it, but didn’t get a chance as the discussion just exploded, I sat back amazed and felt a feeling of pride, that I had brought these people together and was giving something back by leading this group. I can’t thank them enough for such a bizarre book meeting :).
It’s funny what can go on in your head, it really is, but I’ve come to accept this depression thing has been going on longer than I would like to think, perhaps starting back in 1999 when my friend died. I just never knew how to accept it or deal with it until 18months ago when I couldn’t take it anymore, and something had to be done. Now it’s just a long journey to recover, and rediscover me. I tried living without medication and felt like I failed, instead I realise I need that to help me while I work on the other aspects, and now I know I have a much bigger support group than I ever realised I would have, I know I can do this. I will beat this.
So thank you to everyone, to my family, friends, book group people, the furry four legged kind. You don’t know how much you help me.
Thank you for reading