Feeling grateful

People will always tell you there are others worse of than you. That’s true. But when you’re dealing with an illness that can’t be seen, sometimes that’s just hard to believe. I for one, however crap I feel inside and can’t pull myself out of bed, or spend time around others who are sulky or negative, still try to give my best, but it means pushing myself to hard and then everything feels like a complete disaster when 9 times out of 10 it isn’t.

I get so frustrated these days if things aren’t clean, it drives me up the wall, yes I’m not perfect and I make a mess, but in recent months I have been working on that and at home, my bedroom now feels so alien because it s a perfect order, yet I love it. Even the living room is nearly in order.

Today a gentleman who was blind came to order some prints. He told me he would have to describe them for him and although he had been made aware that some were of poor quality he still wanted them. He was accompanied by his guide dog, Gypsy, a cross between a german shepherd and a Labrador, and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and she sat so patiently for him. He told me he regularly went diving and wanted some prints. When he returned he thanked me again for being patient.

I am not the most patient person, a lot of people can tell you that. But what got me was he didn’t judge me for being female, he didn’t judge me for my looks obviously and he trusted me deal with his order.

it always makes me wonder how I would deal with a loss of my sight or hearing, like last week after going swimming for the first time in years and I couldn’t hear properly for  week. I think the thing that scares me most at the moment though is my memory. and forgetting what I’m doing or trying to read a book and still be on the same few pages an hour later. But in the end, I have my health, I am able to work without problems and I have an ability to be creative, when  I’m in the mood for it, hence project Helen, I’m trying to get myself motivated the best I can in the situation I’m in now.

So next time you feel low, it’s ok, just ride it out let it pass, but make sure others are aware so they don’t start treating you differently and all will be right with the world again.

Thank you for reading



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