Monthly Archives: July 2015

Feeling grateful

People will always tell you there are others worse of than you. That’s true. But when you’re dealing with an illness that can’t be seen, sometimes that’s just hard to believe. I for one, however crap I feel inside and can’t pull myself out of bed, or spend time around others who are sulky or negative, still try to give my best, but it means pushing myself to hard and then everything feels like a complete disaster when 9 times out of 10 it isn’t.

I get so frustrated these days if things aren’t clean, it drives me up the wall, yes I’m not perfect and I make a mess, but in recent months I have been working on that and at home, my bedroom now feels so alien because it s a perfect order, yet I love it. Even the living room is nearly in order.

Today a gentleman who was blind came to order some prints. He told me he would have to describe them for him and although he had been made aware that some were of poor quality he still wanted them. He was accompanied by his guide dog, Gypsy, a cross between a german shepherd and a Labrador, and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and she sat so patiently for him. He told me he regularly went diving and wanted some prints. When he returned he thanked me again for being patient.

I am not the most patient person, a lot of people can tell you that. But what got me was he didn’t judge me for being female, he didn’t judge me for my looks obviously and he trusted me deal with his order.

it always makes me wonder how I would deal with a loss of my sight or hearing, like last week after going swimming for the first time in years and I couldn’t hear properly for  week. I think the thing that scares me most at the moment though is my memory. and forgetting what I’m doing or trying to read a book and still be on the same few pages an hour later. But in the end, I have my health, I am able to work without problems and I have an ability to be creative, when  I’m in the mood for it, hence project Helen, I’m trying to get myself motivated the best I can in the situation I’m in now.

So next time you feel low, it’s ok, just ride it out let it pass, but make sure others are aware so they don’t start treating you differently and all will be right with the world again.

Thank you for reading



It’s all about me

Today I decided I needed to sort myself out, spend some time with me. I woke up at 6am and stayed in bed until 9:30 drifting in and out of sleep. I had recently bought an offer for swimming sessions and decided today would be the day I go try and swim. I managed about half an hour of trying to do a mixture of front and back stroke  and not sinking. I found I couldn’t swim to much on my front as it hurt my back but that’s something to work on.

I then came home, dropped stuff off to go to the library to pick up a reserved book and before I got through the door the librarian was getting it out the cupboard for me. After that it was a coffee at home a quick shower, before the first load of washing on and then to tackle the attic. I have cleared loads out from the house today and given it a good clean. Cleaning is my therapy and hopefully, I will get stronger at swimming and then I can think about running again as my knee will be stronger and I won’t feel so unfit or fat.

So today I have got loads done i just need to finish off with a soak in the tub as everything is now aching. I advise everyone to take a day out and do what you need to do and not because you have to.

Thank you for reading


The bottom

The week didn’t start off to well for me. I got myself into a low mood simply because someone had been gossiping about me and I got a little overwhelmed and sunk into slow mood. Worried about how people were seeing me and that things were beginning to go wrong again like they did a few years ago I dug myself into a hole. It isn’t but my thoughts were telling me different and the signs I was picking up were completely wrong.

But that’s how it can happen. One minute perfectly fine next, you’re feeling like you’re rolling out of control down a hill and no soft landing. After a day off and time spent with a friend’s dog getting lost on a walk in the sunshine, realising how unfit I am but his much exercise does benefit I feel tons better, I just need to set a goal\plan and start running, start decluttering, start reading more and when I notice the signs of a low mood, try to exercise, write it down and figure out why it s happening after all the CBT worked I’ve just got out of practice

So just a quick short blog as off to read a book, goodnight

Thank you for reading