In October of this year it will be 5 years of moving into this house and living on my own. Up until then I had always been surrounded by people, from my parents and sister to fellow students to a now ex boyfriend. Never did I think I would be alone, and when I first moved in here I didn’t think about cost of bills, or running a house on my own. It hasn’t been an easy ride. There were several reasons for moving into this house, one being familiarity, after 6 years in a back to back it didn’t seem to far from home, but looking back I wonder whether I should have waited and gone for something smaller or with two entrances, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. For ages I didn’t feel like it was home, stuff sat in boxes and I didn’t really unpack, I just bought more junk in.
I can still remember the first week of moving in. no sound, no one else in here, there’s no door to the kitchen and for ages I thought I could hear a door creak. I would come in after work switch the telly on so there was noise and then just waste the evening not sure what to do. At one point I couldn’t be in the house and stayed away and then I needed to be realisitc and tried to keep busy, mainly wasting time on the internet.
Then the following year everything changed. A friend suggested going to book club as I like reading. I went to World Book Night and found out about Leeds Book Club and you know the story from there. I also completed my first 10k. After only running for a few weeks and raised money for charity. Things kept changing and by 2014 it felt like everything was falling apart again, I started looking for other places to live but it would have mean’t living with others. Downsizing to something like the size of a single bedroom, with damp in bathrooms, small self in a fridge. I looked at so many places but I just could not bring myself to do it.
In the end because I lost my job I ended up staying put. I had a thought about moving back up north but things weren’t to great at home, I never got on with my Dad and the following year he finally left my Mum. I asked a dear friend if I could move in with them if it got worse. But in the end I had managed to get a job quite quickly, although temporary it helped. That’s when I ended up at the coffee shop. The one constant thing that stayed the same was the house. the walls, the furniture inside it is mine, I have way too many cushions, I can leave clothes on the floor and no one complains. I can do what I want. I can sit in silence or play music, I have plenty of room to hang washing out. It’s my home. And it will sound silly, but its the one thing protecting me that I’m finally feeling like I can settle. And no its not because I’m to lazy to move, I just have loads of junk to get rid of from past 10 years and change can have a big effect on you especially when so much else is going on.
Thankyou for reading