Let it go

Yesterday I got myself right in the sorrowful pit. Recently, someone who I really cared about and stopped talking to came and apologised for the falling out and along with a few other events, I got myself emotionally tongue-tied. I felt like I was in the pit of despair (princess bride) and just could not pull myself out of it.

Last night I finished my final shift at the coffee shop, I am both sad and angry as it is such an easy job made hard by rules and regulations and the workers not being happy. Oh and the language barrier. I really wish languages was taught more at school, it probably is now but at school it was only french and german. now there’s spanish, polish or int he case of work Slovakian, where they would all talk in their own language making me feel isolated and insecure, it sounds stupid I know but I loved making coffee but to spend most your working day not having conversations with people can be hard going, and when there’s little or no training you fall into bad habits and everything just takes longer.

It’s funny how this year people, including me have not been happy in their jobs and not done anything about it, granted it’s a lot harder to get a full-time job these days, it’s mainly part-time and zero hour contracts. But when I got the chance to do something different I grabbed it with both hands. I feel like I’m taking a big risk, but I’ve learned that nothing is secure anymore. This morning I got a letter from the landlord, as expected the rent is going up. shame they haven’t responded to emails to fix the damp. will have to get onto that.

Anyway, when I left last night I got a leaving present, and in the card someone put, ‘hope you enjoy your new job better than this one’. Well, any thing is better than that. I have never felt such negativity, especially when all they keep telling you is ‘it’s only coffee don’t get stressed!’ Well why the monkies are you stressed?????

I enjoyed the job, I just hated spending all day not having a proper conversation, and then there’s the customers, you do your best to engage with them and they snap your head off or grunt. I know your busy rushing off to work and you’ve been waiting a century for your coffee but have a little respect for the person behind the bar, they are working really hard to make your coffee and sometimes its terrifying to ask you how you are after bombarding you with several questions of how you would like your drink.

I know it sounds like I shouldn’t be in retail, but I have done it for over half my life now and in some cases its been brilliant and others not so good. But that’s life in a way, I realised that after yesterday and that we can’t take anything for granted and we have to treasure the little things, like talking about accents over a coffee, being silly with children, being able to sit in silence and read a book, holding that book etc.

Then there’s the whole attachment to material objects or buildings, for years I never wanted Mum to leave her house as it meant so much when growing up and her garden is beautiful, and then there’s my house. I’ve grown as a person so much in the last year or so and in the last week it feels like a cloud or darkness has lifted from it. sounds daft I know, but I’ve been dealing with mixed emotions, change of jobs and memories returning which I thought I had dealt with. And that’s the point, it’s just memories that make us, not a sofa, a book, a house but the things we remember and we can take them with us, wherever we go, whether they are good or bad we don’t need objects to remind us what we have or how happy we are, just our memories and our experiences.

So 2015, after a letter from the landlord upping the rent as I expected them to do, it’s time to look for a new home, where I’m not sure, but I also want to aim to own a car again, so there’s a lot to sort out and need to tighten my belt properly this time and not waste money on food that I won’t eat before it goes off.

Thank you for readng

xxx

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