*warning rant ahead maybe swearing I’m sorry*
Hello. I’ve finally managed to park my bum on the sofa for an afternoon of doing nothing. Last week was very stressful trying to finish off a workbook at work which made me feel like I was back at school. I never liked school. Tell a lie I liked some of it. Like in PE in when I did the move in gymnastics which the posh kids couldn’t do. I loved the books we read and the large library we had. I loved Art and history and design technology. in my last year because we were taught English by the school headmaster I loved that to. He helped me so much when I struggled.
This workbook was torture for me. I took the manual home and could not work out what was what. I sat in two meetings with the boss which ended taken up 3 hours of our time. I would much preferred doing something else. It all got signed off, as I wouldn’t have been able to go on the course otherwise. When i got there, people hadn’t had sections signed off or had bits missing. Did they get told off? no. I was so annoyed at everything. I did learn quite a lot but also felt angry at the work making me feel so stupid.
I have also had people being annoyed with me for being a slow learner and when I don’t get something straight away they say ‘engage brain Helen’
For some reason I feel like companies have stepped back to olden times with how they treat their employers. I’ve seen so much of it this year. Because they know jobs are scarce they make out they are doing you a favour. More work for less pay, everyone griping at each other for not pulling their weight. Not moaning at the right people when things go wrong or when things need to be changed. I admit I have done this before and find it so annoying now. For fooks sake just be glad you have a job. There was so much messing about at the job centre. I did all the work they asked and they didn’t look. I didn’t realise I filled in wrong form so it took weeks to sort and seconds to stop. it was crazy. I also didn’t like how they pitied you or the person I had did. I don’t want pity I want help!
People are amazed at how stressed I can become. I think its more out of frustration as I am sometimes a bit slow or hate it when I can’t work simple things out. I love learning and creating things, being part of things but sometimes I struggle and people get annoyed at that but once it clicks I can be amazing. I know that now after doing perfect milk this morning. I love making coffee and I know I still have to experiment to get things right but I’m not going to push myself I’ll go even more crazy.
So to the people who think I’m hard work, to the ones who get frustrated because I’m not as bright as them. Tough. We all have different ways of working and processing things. It takes time. Life is to short to be moody. So don’t be. I’m trying not to be.
Thank you for reading