Monthly Archives: January 2014

An ode to my 33rd year

Ah, so the countdown begins. Tomorrow I wake up another year older *shudders*. I want to thank my 33rd year. It’s been quite a rollercoaster and it has taught me quite a lot.

If you’re eating your tea at this point don’t read on.

Tonight I put the lottery on for euros and lotto tomo and then came home and as I topped up the gas card I stepped in cat poo. A very large lump of poo. It stunk. best bit is my birthday cards lay on the doormap, and unfortunately got covered in poo. and apparently its lucky to stand in poo so I may be a millionaire tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will be doing a course for the radio and I am so excited. I am going to learn about training the trainer, so I kept help others later. Did I tell you I’m excited? the radio said they would put me on it and I feel so honoured. We’ve also got two great books for February’s show in which one you have to build a boyfriend or in my case a Colin Firth/Mr Darcy model. The other is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. There’s a lovely piece of artwork with the famous quote. see below.

So, in my 33rd year, I tried dating, I started on anti-depressants, I ran my 3rd 10k with a dodgy knee and did it in 1 hour 8mins. I started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I loved it. I gained weight, I think I can only just get in to a size 14 and in some places its too tight others its just right. Too much cake and not enough exercise.

My parents split up, after my Dad walked out after several years of threatening to and then proceeded to tell me via email how ungrateful a daughter I had been, perhaps I was but I was also under a lot of stress. I live on my own away from my family. I think it hit home how far and that I couldn’t jump in a car and see my Mum and help sort the house out and things like that. Lesson learned to save as much as possible within the next 5 years.

I wore a dress or two along with high heels, found my love of cocktails and fruit cider. I struggled with reading books, due to all the things going on around me, but bookclub kept me going. Both radio peeps and book club peeps are amazing. So are my family and friends. The support over the year has been amazing. so thank you to them.

If I forget what 2013 has taught me then I would be a fool. I’ve learned so much about myself about others and how, I really do care too much about the wrong things, its all about finding the balance. and if you ever stand in cat poo be warned, it bloody pongs!

Thank you for reading



How to love like a hot chick


This book is excellant. started to read it today, also tells you how to build a boyfriend, I’m working on it, and no limbs or bodyparts need to be collected. I’ll let you know how I get on.

There are a selection of words at the back, this is the pick of the day:



I’m sure this is me most of the time lately LOL.

Thank you for reading


I Had a Black Dog Matthew Johnstone

I’ve been looking into depression and wondering how to dig myself out of a hole, a very large hole. I got told about this (along with councelling for toads, but that’s another blog). This book is amazing. It’s a little book and a short film:

and I need to get hold of these:

new book
new book _ click here

‘We are all used to being sad and tired now and again. Depression (what Churchill referred to as “the black dog”) is different. It can be a profoundly disabling condition that leaves those affected and those who care for them feeling frightened and isolated.’


‘Most people with depression, and most people with a loved one who has depression, want to do things to help themselves. What they often lack is clear, concise information. Most often, books about depression are too medicalised or too full of touchy-feely psychobabble to be of use. It is rare to find a book written by someone with direct experience of the condition, and even rarer to find one that conveys the complexity of the condition in a disarmingly straightforward manner.’

‘I Had A Black Dog is a real gem. By using plain language and light-hearted illustrations, Matthew Johnstone conveys in 48 pages what others have taken 500 pages and more to explain. Forget all that stuff about Serotonin and impaired cognition, I Had A Black Dog tells it as it is experienced.

Most importantly for those affected by a condition that impairs concentration and memory, I Had A Black Dog is accessible. Unlike other books, you will not find yourself going over the same page again and again trying to understand the information.

I Had A Black Dog shows you that you are not alone. While everyone’s experience of depression will be different, you will find enough common experience in this book that you will find yourself saying, “oh, you too…” And if you have a loved one with depression, I Had A Black Dog will give you an essential insight into what they are going through.

While I Had A Black Dog is not a self-help book, it is an excellent introduction to depression. While it conveys something of the day-to-day pain of depression, I Had A Black Dog is ultimately a positive book, showing how, with a combination of professional support and self-help, depression can be managed and ultimately overcome. As Johnstone says:

“I’ve learned that with patience, humour, knowledge and discipline even the worst black dog can be made to heel”’

Whether it is because it is a new year, its close to me becoming 34, pressure to get things sorted, one door closing or as it feels a lot closing and few opening.  The weather being cold, it being pitch black when I come home. It being freezing all day, I just don’t know but I decided after reading something to name my black dog, and seeing as its flavour of the month it’s Bernard, (like the hire car and printer, but that’s another story). Here is my vision on Bernard and at the minute he is HUGE!

But I have lots of family and friends around me I just have to….


Thank you for reading


is it that time already?

Time has gone slowly today until this last hour or so and now it’s nearly 8 0’clock and I’ve been farting about on the internet trying to distract myself after having a panic attack brought on by not having any plastic wallets let to sort out my cognitive behavioural therapy stuff. I started thinking I couldn’t do the radio show on Wednesday and wouldn’t turn up. Then I thought you’re bloody stupid because you’re only letting yourself down and just because it’s the first in the year there’s bound to be doubts after there being such a gap and the not knowing what we’re walking back into. Sounds so silly because I know what is happening and what to do, I just think it’s because everything has been so hectic in the last 2 months around christmas and January so far as started off as a damp squid and me feeling like I’m a zombie.

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I should be sat reading the second book to bookclub or going in the bath for a soak but instead I’m looking at Dr Seuss quotes while watching Alice in Wonderland and trying to distract myself from thinking about what this week will bring.

I just need to remind myself I can do this and I just need to take it a step at a time and I’ll be reet.

Thank you for reading