“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou

I pinched this title from another blog. This last few weeks has been a heck of a journey. From Last Tuesday to Saturday I was out every night and no booze involved. I was either at the radio station, cinema, at a friend’s house or on Saturday at the Leeds Arena to see Vampire Weekend and the night ended with me trying tot be clever and run at a pile of leaves to kick them only for me to fall flat on my face or as my friend said ‘the best prat fall ever!!!’

This week I let myself down and didn’t do any of my CBT techniques. I however did learn a bit of yoga and realised how unfit I have let myself get and the fact that I’ve put a bit of weigh on around the hips required a size 14 jeans because I couldn’t get them over my thighs even though they were wide fit. Still slack at the top but I seem to have expanded. So, goal next year after seeing the Abbey Dash is to get running again but in the meantime, lots of gentle exercise and sit ups to flatten the stomach. Also means I need to change my diet a bit and cut down on the sugar. *sighs*

So I have a new phone, I hated it to begin with, now I’m blown away, but still need to sit down and read the instructions. Also must remember to keep cheek away from it when talking or it’ll ring some random person. ‘fat cheek syndrome’ I keep putting full stops in instead of spaces as its close together.

Like I said the CBT training is out the window and I only have a couple left. 😦 Next session is to do with self talk. I have had trouble sleeping again this week and I was really looking forward to the session this morning. I have loads more worksheets (see below) and my folder is bulging. By Christmas I will have hopefully cracked it.

See below for all the handy worksheets

What have I learned lately.

* Breathing when stressed or angry is always good.

* count to three in your head to calm yourself down

* Just because I don’t do what others want does not mean I’m worthless.

*I made a confession that I love my best friend I think I just missed him so much that I mistook it after knowing I fancied this other guy for over a year and he has similarities. ouch

* to do the following once a week …….


* If you open your eyes for a minute you’ll see there are amazing things right under your nose. Take for example a hairdressers that my friend recommended, I went in asked if they were so in so and made an appointment, went back this afternoon and it was the best haircut ever! it’s so stylish and no stupid fringe!!!! Very welcoming, took the mick out of accent but all in good fun and learned so much in a space of an hour I felt I had known them forever, and got told I was a nice/lovely person and to pop back anytime for a coffee. I said I’ll being my homework down then and do it 😀

* Believing in yourself in the hardest thing and to wallow in self pity must not be done for more then 10 mins. Find something you love doing and do it. Be it watching a film you have seen time and time again, going for a walk when things get too much. Have a good clearout and put everything back in order, just do anything. Learn from mistakes, If things go wrong take a break and start again, after all we’re only human.

* I’m getting old when the music in the top forty doesn’t make sense

* That people come and go in your life and the ones in are mean’t to be there will stay. The others will try to beat you down because you are rising and going onto bigger and better things

* People think they know me. You can know one all your life but you never truly know them. It gets better when they haven’t spent time with you and think they do, people change, people grow. Like Toad said in Councilling for toads, it’s finding the right time to grow-up. whatever that means 😀

*My 23 book list for the end of the year is out the window simply because this month is disappearing quicker then you can say for-coffee and thats  swearing (learn’t that one today along with a toasted teacake is a breadcake with currents?????)

* That I drink lots of coffee at home and have become obsessed with trying to get as many freebies as possible.

*That I have to invest time in to do lists and my filofax as I keep forgetting things again. I’m little miss busy at the moment.

*Apparently if you want a man in your life you have to make space in your wardrobe so clear out half of it and make space for him and he will come.

* I have not been a good sister, or a friend to some, but that’s because I got a bit lost. Thank you to the massive support from friends and family and adopted family (radio/bookclub) it means so much that you have so much faith in me and let me waffle on. 😀  xxxx

Thank you for reading


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