….To be me, to be proud of me, to do what ever I want and achieve whatever I want even if I have never done it before. Because I control what happens, I make the decisions and I should never ever be influenced by people unless I think it’s right. Until I’m ready.

There’s a good piece here:  http://tinybuddha.com/blog/we-have-the-power-to-choose/

Helen of Troy http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/g_l/hd/abouthelen.htm & here http://whitedragon.org.uk/articles/troy.htm

Greek Meaning: 
The name Helen is a Greek baby name. In Greek the meaning of the name Helen is: Shining light. The bright one. Helen of Troy, whose elopement with Paris sparked the Trojan War, was the daughter of Zeus and wife of Menelaus, King of Sparta.

SoulUrge Number: 1

People with this name have a deep inner desire to use their abilities in leadership, and to have personal independence. They would rather focus on large, important issues, and delegate the details.

Expression Number: 8

People with this name are competent, practical, and often obtain great power and wealth. They tend to be successful in business and commercial affairs, and are able to achieve great material dreams. Because they often focus so strongly on business and achievement, they may neglect their private lives and relationships.

My second name is Louise (or louisecheese, made that up today :D)

Louise \lo(ui)-se\ as a girl’s name is pronounced loo-EEZ. It is of Old German origin, and the meaning of Louise is “famous warrior”. Feminine form of Louis; French version of Ludwig.

SoulUrge Number: 5

People with this name have a deep inner desire for travel and adventure, and want to set their own pace in life without being governed by tradition.

Expression Number: 9

People with this name tend to be passionate, compassionate, intuitive, romantic, and to have magnetic personalities. They are usually humanitarian, broadminded and generous, and tend to follow professions where they can serve humanity. Because they are so affectionate and giving, they may be imposed on. They are romantic and easily fall in love, but may be easily hurt and are sometimes quick-tempered.

I’ll start at the end and finish at the beginning or something like that. This morning I felt crap, I felt a bit down and tonight I feel amazing. The best I have ever done in such a long while and boy am I shattered. I just went down to the chippy on Elland Road where I go once in a while and sit in and have fish,chips and gravy. They know my name and the lovely Anya (hope this is right or its Anna) has a good chat with me and we put the worlds to rights along with David who cooks the food. They are by far the best chips in Leeds and practically on my doorstep. They were so pleased to see me and I am always overwhelmed when people say they miss me, little old me?, can’t think why :p. Well I’m beginning to. I’m now sat here watching Santa Claus the movie after having an hours fight trying to upload something into dropbox. It’s still going. *sighs*

On the way back from radio when Nicola was driving me back she told me she couldn’t understand why i was so down on myself why I don’t believe in myself. I have always had very little self worth and now I feel like I’m fighting back, especially after this year of so many battles. This morning when I went to my CBT session and told my therapist that I felt like I had let her down doing my techniques she said look at the amount of issues/problems you just told me, that’s a lot to deal with. So after that sessiona nd loads more tips and now a plan to sort the next week out, I feel like I could take on anything, and it looks like I might be doing more at the radio station once I pass this course. GO ME!!!!!

After the session I wandered down to the radio station, we were supposed to do the bookclub tonight but with so much on at the station we had to move it, which was good for me as I’ve left it late as usual to read it and because it’s JK Rowlings adult fiction book thingy I can’t get my head around it not being Harry Potter and the fact she’s crammed so many bloody characters in it its bizarre. I think I got most the work started that was set for me today. As for CBT I need to start my yoga dvd that I promised and learn some techniques. Can’t be faffed going to a class.  So after watching the dvd and tidy up a bit I’m going to watch it.

You see yesterday I got a bit upset as all book clubs for the year are coming to an end and so is the year and everything is winding down but I haven’t finished my too read list, done my reviews as work has been quite tough and the cold weather is having a bigger impact on me than I thought and I’m falling asleep really early. Tonight I have had two coffees to try stay awake and be able to tidy up.

I’ve had a great day, got to meet a fellow twitter follower in person and was so bowled over and then had a meeting with the radio gang and spent the day doing set tasks plus eating lots of biscuits :D. See I will do almost anything if you feed me. I really don’t mind.

Oh and I took Mike the minion to the studio, just incase you’re wondering about my mascot 🙂 my friend’s sister made him.

One last thought. If I can do this and I can start believing in myself and all made possible by others believeing in me, especially Nicola and Kirsty from radio, people on twitter, Niamh from bookclub and most of all the one person who I should believe but never listen to is my Mum. so thank you guys. I’ve took way too long to realise this but I HAVE THE POWER to be the great ‘H’

Thank you for reading



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