*warning: swearing in this post*

So, over the weekend my week on twitter came to an end. But before that i had a bit of a wake up call, I had to look after someone else and make sure they were safe. I realised I should have listened to my inner voice saying let’s go home at 7:30pm but no The begging and pleading meant miss softy here stayed out, spent too much money and ended up feeling like I wanted to shout, ‘Give me a fooking break will ya!’

Ever since I was little, sorry I can remember my Dad constantly put me down, constantly said I was a bad stubborn child, If we were running ahead when out we would get shouted at, if I asked him for a cuddle it would be treated with ‘what you after?’ er I need a hug off my Dad as I feel insecure? Later in life I was never good enough, he never took interest that is until I passed my driving test and told me he was proud of me when I drove him about in a car. Granted over the years he did do some things for me but I never truly trusted him, especially when he used to give me money and then use it against me, making me suspicious of others. I just wanted to be his little girl, but with everything else going on in the house I just got on with things and it was my Mum who would spot when I was feeling troubled and talk me out of it.

These days I don’t talk to him, he is cut out of my life, but the damage is done and I’m trying to fix it, along with what happened with my ex and what a few others and said and done over the last few years and yes, surprise they’re all men. Granted at times over the last three years I have been one big pain in the arse, but I look back and I can’t remember most of it. I must have blocked it out.

These days I’m fighting two people. Myself and myself. One is confident sparked by coffee and can take on the world and the other just is dark and can bring me down so quickly I just can’t find a way out. Or like stated above and make them friends.

That’s why I feel so lucky to have a good doctor who has sorted all this treatment out and I am ready to take on the world. Like someone said to day I am good at what I do I just have a lot of demons and need to get rid of them. here’s to CBT and a few bits below

I’m movin’ on up now
Gettin’ out of the darkness
My light shines on
My light shines on
My light shines on

By constantly being mindlful of your thoughts and conducts. Be quick to judge yourself and slow to judge others. Let this new habit become second nature, then nothing can possess your mind without your permission.

The spiritual approach http://www.askahealer.com/fighting-demons.htm and Hecate http://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Hekate.html

‘About Hecate: A Greek Goddess with three heads, Hecate has a reputation for evil but has also chosen to rescue those less fortunate at times. Her three heads, that of a horse, a dog and a snake will have deeper significance to those who work with totem animals. All three are very powerful medicines but quite at odds in some ways too. A lot to manage on one body!’

One opinion is: I don’t want to say what my inner demons are,only that they  are the products of my childhood-for the most part,anyway. 
As for controlling them,I recognize them for what they are-  in the long term,a means to self-destruction because they are manifestations of self-hate. I let my conscience be my guide.  That little voice in the back of my mind has helped me to avoid a lot of trouble in the past,although sometimes I have failed to listen to it. 

and another here: http://nvisionconsulting.co.uk/fighting-your-inner-demons-the-battle-for-the-mind/

So How do you fight your inner demons? Please let me know.

xxxx

Thank you for reading

xx

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