‘what kind of magic spell do you use?’ because you seem so different? are but you see ‘Things aren’t always what they seem in this place.’
‘No nothing is as bad as it seems………And we can learn to love again’
‘And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am’
People keep mentioning that it’s good to see the ‘Old Helen’ back. They’re finally realising I’m trying to sort things out if not a bit late. To be honest I don’t know who the ‘old Helen’ was and I don’t think I liked her. Although there has been so many changes over the past 3 years and when I look back, I don’t think sometimes I made the right decisions. I think I just floated along. I just went with the flow. I went to work did my job came back and then slowly rotted away. I think things started changing once I started running and going to bookclub and passed my driving test. I’ve made so many mistakes over the last three years and it probably started way before that, in fact I know it did, and now I feel like I’ve woken up from a bad dream and I’ve got to clean up the mess as everything is shattered into pieces. I didn’t much like the old Helen. Tell a lie I did and I didn’t. Firstly I’ve never liked the way I look. I’m border line pretty and feel that I don’t look to feminine. *shudders* In recent months I have made the effort and dressed up and ‘put my face-on’ which apparently is a shock to some people. One person said you couldn’t improve on perfection. I had to laugh.
You see here I go again playing the victim when in fact in recent weeks I have proved to myself I can do things, I can manage heavy workloads, I can run a house, live on my own, sort of do a radio programme 🙂 run a bookclub or two. I just need to get the rest sorted and Bob’s your uncle. I have 10 days off soon and plan on cleaning and sorting the house along with helping a friend redecorate (eeks!) and have decided what books don’t fit on the bookshelf will be going as although I would love a large library some day at the moment I need to stop hoarding all the excess baggage and get rid of stuff. I have my kindle for ebooks and the use of the library, and seeing as the libraries are in threat of closure in this country and best do my bit to keep using them.
As mentioned before I am my own worst enemy and in recent weeks I have stopped letting things get to me that I believe aren’t worth it anymore. and you know it works. If things aren’t right then there’s not much I can do about it. I just need to get on with what is working and enjoy the things I love doing and make more effort to see my friends and to say thank you for the help over the last few years. One being my friend Rachel in Norwich. Without her, my sister, the people at bookclub and radio, my friend Lynn and of course my family, I’m not quite sure what I would be doing right now. My school wrote me off when I was approaching my exams, and said I wouldn’t go far. Well, just look at me now. I may not have everything I want, But I’m starting to find peace with myself and enjoying learning new things.
On my days off I need to have a good clear out and a good planning session of what projects I have to complete and what can be binned because I’ll never finished them.
This version of ‘Helen’ might have aspects of the old but hopefully will be a bigger improvement and not crumble and hideaway when things change for better or worse.
Next update: version 10.8.3 download now
Thankyou for reading