#FF The end of August :(

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

Haven’t done this for a while but I’m listening to club music. A mixture of old and new. When I lived in Middlesbrough it was one of the things I loved, even the cheesy pop ones changed into club classics. I remember my Dad used to say ‘Can you turn that down as all I can hear is thud thud thud’. A bit like what i get from my neighbours sometimes.

This week has been very busy for me. A delayed start to the week thanks to that stupid idea called Bank Holiday Monday, which is a bit like snowy weather meaning everything has to grind to a halt and everyone takes to the end of the week to function properly. Or in the case of today for all the technology just to fail in what felt like one massive tantrum by a group of male objects requiring attention.  But that’s another story.

Tuesday, I went out after work with people from work and got to know people better than quick hellos as they walk past the stand, and last night I went to a friend’s for tea and chat without having to concentrate on recording a show. Not only did I have a fantastic time on both occasions and realised I have become a bigger lightweight then ever, I realised how good it is to talk and you don’t need much money just good company, good venue and have a good laugh. We forget to do this in our society. We expect everything instant. We think if we ring someone they should answer immediately, we get annoyed if we have forgotten to do something and left it to late and it can’t be done for whatever reason. We rely to heavily on technology that we are left helpless when it crashes and can’t be rebooted. Same thing happened in Sainsburys on the headrow. All the self checkouts went down one after the other and they only had two people to work the tills. Genius!!!

We really need to get back to basics. We need to learn to communicate properly again and learn to watch our tone of voice and learn grammar again I think. We’ve become to stressful as a society. Things aren’t going to change. Money is going to get tighter and tighter as food, fuel, bus/train fares rocket and the people who keep the country going like you and I, not the government will become less and less happy and more depressed and arsy.

Life is to short. We need to stop taking things out on each other whether you are friend, family or complete stranger. We need to help each other, as we all have different skills and talents so we are all useful. Life would be boring if we were all the same.

Next week I visit ‘oop north’ It feels like a long time coming. I will be going here there and everywhere and then trying to catch up on some reading and hoping the weather is amazing so I can just spend the day in the garden. Mum has an amazing garden and when I go up there it’s like a completely different world. I just wish I had the time and money to be able to do the house up for her. I helped years ago to get the living room and landing painted and again everything needs brightening up again. I’ve been thinking this weeks of regrets of things I’ve done. I can’t change it I have to live with it and hopefully forget about it, I do regret not ending the relationship sooner with the person who broke my heart because I never believed in myself and never thought anyone would like me for who I was let alone fall in love but I now know that this is wrong and the signs were there that the relationship had run it’s course.

I also regret moving into this house. Simply because I think it’s been one of the reasons I haven’t been able to let go of things because it is the same as the old house, it’s too big and I didn’t realise what a responsibility it is to run a house on you’re own. If I think about it now I perhaps should have looked for a bedsit, because I really do like living on my own even though it can be boring, hard work doing everything myself and sometimes lonely. But I gain so much more from it, by being messy, by having time to myself, and not have to worry that I am disturbing anyone else. It’s bliss sometimes.

So to the weekend to the week ahead. If one more person tells me it will soon be Christmas I might scream. I don’t think I have got out of 2013 what I really wanted. I think I have stood still and everything has flown past while my bank balance gets lower and lower. I have tried positive thinking and sometimes it works, I just think I need a stronger will to keep it going and a bit more sleep, as insomnia is not my friend at the moment.

Oh I nearly forgot. I went up to home bargains early wednesday morning to get my sister some kinder eggs for a project and decided to go into Morrisons for some booze. yes to early in the morning, anyway it’s for a friend’s birthday and I went in and the woman gave me a strange look. When I got to the counter with two bottles of cider I was asked for id. Best bit is she did a double take as if it was fake. and I said you’ve made my day and she said I look very young for my age. I got ID at 33!!!!!

Thank you for reading



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