Monthly Archives: August 2013

#FF The end of August :(

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

Haven’t done this for a while but I’m listening to club music. A mixture of old and new. When I lived in Middlesbrough it was one of the things I loved, even the cheesy pop ones changed into club classics. I remember my Dad used to say ‘Can you turn that down as all I can hear is thud thud thud’. A bit like what i get from my neighbours sometimes.

This week has been very busy for me. A delayed start to the week thanks to that stupid idea called Bank Holiday Monday, which is a bit like snowy weather meaning everything has to grind to a halt and everyone takes to the end of the week to function properly. Or in the case of today for all the technology just to fail in what felt like one massive tantrum by a group of male objects requiring attention.  But that’s another story.

Tuesday, I went out after work with people from work and got to know people better than quick hellos as they walk past the stand, and last night I went to a friend’s for tea and chat without having to concentrate on recording a show. Not only did I have a fantastic time on both occasions and realised I have become a bigger lightweight then ever, I realised how good it is to talk and you don’t need much money just good company, good venue and have a good laugh. We forget to do this in our society. We expect everything instant. We think if we ring someone they should answer immediately, we get annoyed if we have forgotten to do something and left it to late and it can’t be done for whatever reason. We rely to heavily on technology that we are left helpless when it crashes and can’t be rebooted. Same thing happened in Sainsburys on the headrow. All the self checkouts went down one after the other and they only had two people to work the tills. Genius!!!

We really need to get back to basics. We need to learn to communicate properly again and learn to watch our tone of voice and learn grammar again I think. We’ve become to stressful as a society. Things aren’t going to change. Money is going to get tighter and tighter as food, fuel, bus/train fares rocket and the people who keep the country going like you and I, not the government will become less and less happy and more depressed and arsy.

Life is to short. We need to stop taking things out on each other whether you are friend, family or complete stranger. We need to help each other, as we all have different skills and talents so we are all useful. Life would be boring if we were all the same.

Next week I visit ‘oop north’ It feels like a long time coming. I will be going here there and everywhere and then trying to catch up on some reading and hoping the weather is amazing so I can just spend the day in the garden. Mum has an amazing garden and when I go up there it’s like a completely different world. I just wish I had the time and money to be able to do the house up for her. I helped years ago to get the living room and landing painted and again everything needs brightening up again. I’ve been thinking this weeks of regrets of things I’ve done. I can’t change it I have to live with it and hopefully forget about it, I do regret not ending the relationship sooner with the person who broke my heart because I never believed in myself and never thought anyone would like me for who I was let alone fall in love but I now know that this is wrong and the signs were there that the relationship had run it’s course.

I also regret moving into this house. Simply because I think it’s been one of the reasons I haven’t been able to let go of things because it is the same as the old house, it’s too big and I didn’t realise what a responsibility it is to run a house on you’re own. If I think about it now I perhaps should have looked for a bedsit, because I really do like living on my own even though it can be boring, hard work doing everything myself and sometimes lonely. But I gain so much more from it, by being messy, by having time to myself, and not have to worry that I am disturbing anyone else. It’s bliss sometimes.

So to the weekend to the week ahead. If one more person tells me it will soon be Christmas I might scream. I don’t think I have got out of 2013 what I really wanted. I think I have stood still and everything has flown past while my bank balance gets lower and lower. I have tried positive thinking and sometimes it works, I just think I need a stronger will to keep it going and a bit more sleep, as insomnia is not my friend at the moment.

Oh I nearly forgot. I went up to home bargains early wednesday morning to get my sister some kinder eggs for a project and decided to go into Morrisons for some booze. yes to early in the morning, anyway it’s for a friend’s birthday and I went in and the woman gave me a strange look. When I got to the counter with two bottles of cider I was asked for id. Best bit is she did a double take as if it was fake. and I said you’ve made my day and she said I look very young for my age. I got ID at 33!!!!!

Thank you for reading



My Mum says that if I were a dog I would be…..

a spaniel


Mainly because I don’t sit still for more than two seconds although I have done quite well today. So I looked up the characteristics and guess what? She might be right. And there’s me thinking I was more of a jack russell. But don’t worry I’m house trained. 😀

Traits of a spaniel:

‘The English Springer Spaniel, named for the way he “springs” at game to flush it for the hunter, has long been a favourite with sportsmen, but this lively, beautiful dog also makes a wonderful family companion if he receives the training and exercise he needs.’

‘English Springer Spaniels are smart and eager to please, not to mention enthusiastic. They are happy dogs and seem to have a good sense of humour  They usually do well with children if they are brought up with them from puppyhood and are affectionate toward their families. They also are generally good with other pets in the household, even small ones, but might see pet birds as prey since those are what they’re bred to hunt.

Because they’re hunting dogs, English Springer Spaniels require a lot of exercise, but keep them on leash in unfenced areas or they may decide to go hunting on their own. Because they are such good athletes, many non-hunting owners participate in activities such as obedience, agility, flyball, and tracking with their English Springer Spaniels. They also make great therapy dogs, bringing smiles to people in hospitals and nursing homes.’

‘English Springer Spaniels will bark if strangers come to your house, but if you’re looking for a guard dog, keep looking. They are loving, gentle dogs who expect even strangers to give them attention.’

‘Because of their affectionate nature, they aren’t a one-person dog. They are very people-oriented, and shouldn’t be left home alone or isolated from people for long periods.’


Thank you for reading


ROAD TRIP!!!! Wednesday at Bridlington

Why oh why do days off and holidays take so long to get to, and then gone in a blink of an eye? I remember at school thinking the six weeks holiday would be to long then bam! they’re gone. Visits to Mum’s family every year where we had almost 2 weeks down there and then they were over and my sister and I would be in tears leaving as we wanted to stay down there. If I could have had all my family in one place when I was young I would have been in heaven. Life is full of regrets and lately I have been on the verge of losing everything again that I have tried to value everything where possible. I keep spending money when I shouldn’t because I keep thinking there’s nothing worth saving for and then wondering why my clothes are falling apart or there’s nothing in the cupboard. I keep meaning to fix this and I started by trying positive mental attitude, yesterday I saw the effects starting to happen when I set myself a target for 10 things to be collected and it worked. Not the way I thought it would but I still achieved it.

On Wednesday my friends and I went to Bridlington to meet up with some more friends.

‘Bridlingtons historic harbour area bustles in summer and hints at its extensive fishing heritage. The Old Town further boosts its appeal, Bridlington also offers easy access to coastal walking around Flamborough Head and for visits to Bempton Cliffs RSPB reserve. Flamborough Headland, with its dramatic chalk cliffs reaching upto 130 metres at Bempton, is one of England’s treasured designated heritage coasts.’

It’s the first time I had been there and couldn’t wait I wanted to get a bucket and spade, and partly because I was doing my bucket list to so would come in handy later. I had also been in search of flip flops but the fashion industry has now decided summer is over and we should be wearing overcoats, trousers, hats and scarfs. *sighs*

The weather was superb, a mix of light showers and then the sun appearing but it wasn’t to warm. We had lunch when we got there and then had a walk down to the south side I believe, on the way I picked up a bucket and spade and then managed to get some flip-flops. The comfiest things I have worn in ages. We had an icecream which mine appeared to melt in seconds and then onto the beach. Steph, Matt and I went down to the water and I remember thinking seeing some girls fully dressed and completely soaked and how silly they were and then Matt soaked the pair of us and I found this so funny I joined in and got drenched. I then kicked more water and went running for Steph to try catch me. I said to myself ‘just let go Helen, enjoy being here and just let go’. So we spent the afternoon on the beach, me building sandcastles, Matt digging to china and the rest of the group enjoying the sun. It was great, I was like a big kid going back and forth in the water and then trying to build sandcastles and not thinking about the conditions of the sand and my friends telling me to move further down the beach, I thought they were trying to trick me into the sea again 🙂

I will treasure that day forever. As I’ve always said you don’t need a lot of things or money to have a good time, just pick a place, hope the weather is good or if inside choose a good comfortable establishment, good friends and food and enjoy the moment, because once it is gone we can never get it back and it’s only memories, photos and regrets that we have.


Lynn and me
Lynn and me

Thank you for reading



Video sent to me by South Leeds Communtiy Radio….

601389_137800149763678_1275006590_n 1003366_653569547988979_1512464818_n

‘Success isn’t measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline & inner peace. -Mike Ditka’

‘A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind. -Richard Dehmel’

‘”Give yourself a break if you feel stressed!’

‘It is better to look ahead & prepare than to look back & regret. -Jackie Joyner-Kersee’

‘The key ingredient to any kind of happiness or success is to never give less than your best.’

‘Shopping for clothing items improves mood, reduces stress, strengthens immune system & helps you live longer.’

‘Nobody is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry.’

‘Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. -Lucille Ball’

‘Over thinking generally causes you to obsess about things that may not ever take place.’

‘SMALL changes can make a BIG difference.’

‘There are no mistakes in life, just lessons.’

‘The nicest people over think the most. Worrying & or obsessive thinking is linked to empathy & a good heart.’

‘Making a to do list before bed can help you fall asleep easier.’

‘You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones. -Dale Earnhardt’

‘True love is when someone accepts your past, supports your presents, and encourages your future.’

‘Unplug! Try turning off your email for 1hr daily – allow time to be proactive not reactive  #SlowCoach tip #SlowDown

My sister is making me turn into my father (shudders) wrong person to turn into *sobs quietly* I don’t want to but the more I try not to I do.

Earworm of the day….

Thank you for reading


Sometimes its good to waste a day as long as you have good company

I am finding it really hard to get motivated today.  It’s my day off and I kept putting the alarm back then wishing I hadn’t booked my appointment for 10:15am and I bet when my next one at 11am I won’t be able to sleep. it’s sod’s law, seeing as I keep going to sleep later and later 😦 This is not like me at all.

I wanted to get some shorts for next week as I am going to the seaside with some friends, but when you go looking for something you can’t find it. In recent years I have become really fussy about clothes shopping, and with gaining a little stomach in recent months because of lack of exercise and amounts of coffee and chocolate and lack of drinking water I have a dislike of my body and showing any amounts of flesh even my arms is a bit scary. But first I had to get my haircut.

My hair is quite thick and after a few weeks of it being cut it springs out and looks like I went through a bush backwards. The lovely hairdresser Rachel has chopped right into it again and it’s shocking to see the amount come off on the floor and it’s only the ends she’s taken off. I feel bald. I would love to have it past my shoulders and long luscious locks that can be curled but my hair is very awkward that it’s beyond annoying. if I don’t wash it, it it can look really greasy, even after finding a shampoo that suits and putting less conditioner on it still plays havoc. oh well.

There is another way of looking at the reason of feeling bald, it also could be seen as a huge weight lifted off my mind, that the extra weight was pulling me down and that’s why I found it so hard to function recently and now that I’ve had a shower and have undone all the hard work Rachel put in I feel like a shaggy dog and love it!!!

Here’s a bit about hair…..

‘Specific attitudes on the subject range from whole-hearted embracing of the “long hair is the penultimate look of a woman at her most alluring and desirable” to an assertion that cutting one’s long hair short is a sign of dissatisfaction with some specific part of a person’s life. In the article, Dr. Pam Spurr, is quoted as saying, “The woman who has been dissatisfied with her sex life, and decides she no longer wants to have sex, uses the power of the haircut as a sign to show she’s reclaiming power in the bedroom.”
      However, interspersed among the more salacious viewpoints and blurbs is some real content. Dramatic changes in style and look do generally accompany a shift in a woman’s sense of identity. Sometimes it is a reflective response – a new look on the outside to go with a whole new outlook in the inside – and sometimes it’s a reactive response – the ‘change’ to help a woman ‘snap out of’ her mood or cope with some difficulty in her life. Whatever the mechanic involved, the result is a new look and that look usually corresponds to a change taking place where it cannot normally be seen.’

Another link here


So off I went to Primark and I was wandering round looking for shorts and picked up three lovely pairs two been different denim and some t-shirts and I got a call from a friend wanting to meet up, I carried on looking went to fit them on and guess what the 3 size 12’s didn’t fit round my legs and when I sat down – you should always do the seat test, I looked like I had big puffy thighs. Not a good look. I tried to separate pairs of trousers on again same size and one was perfect the other not. What the????? So in the end I got plain socks for work, trousers, t-shirts and a checked shirt because I regret chucking a blue one out that I loved so much because someone said something and me being me associated that with the shirt and couldn’t wear it any more, even though I really,really loved it. 😦 I should stop being so suggestible. sighs.

I then met up with my friend and grabbed a sandwich from fatso’s before wandering aimlessly around shops looking for shorts, but my reluctance of spending to much, and the horror of the chubby legs in Primark kind of put me off shopping. In the end it was a good thing just to wander around and catch up and then finish it off with a coffee. I feel so relaxed and can’t wait to do it again. I feel so bad because I used to be great at clothes shopping, but now with lack of money and dislike of my body it’s a bit tricky. Oh and why do people trash Primark and Next Clearance and never any other store. I feel for the people who have to fold clothing all day.

When we were at school there was different levels at school, you were  either very intelligent/rich and pretty and were always at the front of school pictures or you were the middle like me, the plain girl who just about understood school, loved the library and got on with work and then finally the bottom lot, now know as chav’s or the shellsuit gangs who couldn’t care less and smoked behind the bike shed or on the corner at lunchtimes. During gym you were all the same, can’t say for the boys but the girls getting changed would try undo their bra under their shirt and whip it out through the sleeve. To eat trousers or underwear on you would have the towel over your shoulder and hop on one leg trying not to drop them on the wet floor. However on the school field it would show your place again like running. One set would run around at top speed while others would go at a gentle pace or the group like me who couldn’t wait to hide behind the gym and walk a bit to catch our breaths. I did out achieve them one time in gymnastics by being able to do the tricky jump over the horse without even knowing how I did it. My proudest moment.

These days I find myself still trying to fit in, still trying to be liked, I thought I had found it then everything started unravelling for me and what I thought was a good friendship wasn’t, I was being used and I was actually looked down on quite a lot. But hey that’s life. You just have to be aware that what you give may not be the same as what you get back. But doesn’t that make us all individual and unique, we all are meant to be in certain packs I think and when we fall into something that doesn’t quite fit, we need to make the most of it, and when the alarm bells go off that’s something is wrong we shouldn’t ignore it and let it slowly destroy us. That’s what’s happened to me, that’s why in recent months I have felt so lost. But hopefully I can find my way again, I keep saying each week is a fresh start then I hit a stumbling block and take two steps back. Not anymore. take each day as it comes and make the most of it, and a wasted day of doing nothing is not a wasted day, it’s a ‘rest day’.

Thank you for reading


33 books read for this 33 year old

My book challenge here is not going to well, and I have just finished another book. Go me!

I love reading I think it’s an amazing gift to have, this is what I have read so far ….here


and everyone should get involved either at home, joining a book club or two or listening to the latest radio book programme

Leeds Book Club

South Leeds Community Radio’s latest book club

So pick up a book, can be anything absolutely anything ad let the magic work on you

Thank you for reading


Hump Day

Wednesday, know to most as ‘Hump day’ half way through the week, one weekend behind us another coming thick and fast and then once again it’ll be Monday which is just as bad. Why do we hate Mondays so much? Why having the weekend off does it make it so hard to start over again?

Wednesday the no day?

Wednesday the half day for traders, well market traders that is.

Wednesday is for Radio Bookclub.

What is it with kids these days??? Just had to tell one off for trying to tight-rope walk style across my fence. Well not my fence the landlords and though do I explain when it’s broken. Oh my god I’m getting paranoid. I’m getting old sat in the house listening to all the sounds. 😦

I read my stars in the paper today I try not to as I think it’s fake or if you read it your subconscious makes it happen? So I read it in the evening. then if it’s true then it’s ‘spooky’, which it was today.

I am on the cusp of Aquarius but I got told I have traits of Capricorn so I read both and take half the truth. does that make sense? so I’m an Aquacorn or caprius?

Also did you know if someone has hiccups you should ask them questions like ‘what colour is a yellow car’ what colour is a black cat’ and so on. Confused the hell out of me today but stopped the hiccups. Magic!

I’m beginning to wonder and I mentioned this before and was going to research Freud’s work to see what he might think of social networking and wondered why the need to tell the world every thing and to let them knwo what we’re eating like I do. Yesterday I loved not having my phone with me, felt odd going to check it when I was on the bus and it wasn’t there. Also like cash in my purse if its there it’s to be spent and unless I put it away safely it disappears as fast as it enters my bank account 😦

Tomorrow is a haircut and food shopping then who knows.

Oh and I show the international space station go across my house last night. twitter is good for one thing at least 🙂

can you see the space station???
can you see the space station???

So enjoy your hump day and I’ll report back tomorrow

Thank you for reading


Another year another 10k

I really, probably, perhaps, shouldn’t have done it, But I went to York yesterday to participate in the 10k race. It was the third one in York, the first being in 2011. I wanted to do this for me. I wanted to banish some demons so too speak, long story.

But this is why I started running

I nearly didn’t make it. I didn’t sleep properly and had been ill at the beginning of the week. But, as it had been paid for and the thought of the medal spurred me on. I didn’t want to risk the train being late so got the 5:55am train got there ridiculously early, no one except drunks throwing up and curled up in corners, same arriving at york. I tried to catch up on reading, it was cold so I didn’t get far. They’ve now opened a Starbucks in the station much to my delight and thought great I’ll have a coffee on the way to the racecourse. They didn’t put my name on though and I was to scared to ask.

I headed off and Google said roughly 30mins. It took me 15mins. Must have been the coffee. I sat at a  table and tried pinning my number on my top, in the end I had to go ask for some smaller pins which they were giving out. I decided it would be best to get changed early and do a loo stop before the crowds gathered. Whilst in there a notice said ‘can hold 7 people’ it meant can take 7 flushes or something but again there were not enough loos. I’m sure there was more last time.

I decided like a few others to plonk myself down on the grass and await the warm-up, if I needed the loo again (which I did) I would wait until half way round. Can’t remember if Leeds had portaloos half way round or not. Anyway it turns out I could have got the 7:38 train and would have made it in plenty of time as warm-up didn’t start until 8:45. oh well.

Whilst sat daydreaming, I hear my name called, looked up and a lovely young man said it’s Helen isn’t it, I replied yes and he told me he was Stuart and chatted on Twitter. I couldn’t believe it. finally met a fellow runner and could put a face to a twitter name. and is was the loveliest chap, and I think I let him get a word in or two. 😀

I decided after no training, I would have to go in the joggers bit rather than runners. I started off really gentle too, oh and I left my iPod in my bag but didn’t care. I am so glad I did, just listening to the people chattering on the way round and listening to people shouting it was amazing. I managed to do the first 3k on a gentle jog, trying to match people and keeping pace behind others until I felt I could pass, One woman I followed for a whole 1k and then lost her only to meet up towards the end??? I had been walking and jogging and had a loo break!!!

I still can’t believe I did it though, I love that course to pieces. Only downside is the congestion on the riverbank as everyone starts to slow down and are in groups so you have to weave in and out but other than that a beautiful course. as I hit the last 2k, I kept telling myself, ‘come on girl’ you can do it. And as I entered the racecourse someone was shouting ‘come on last leg you can see the sign’ and you could. I told myself I couldn’t walk it and geared myself on. As I hit the final stretch I saw people scattered and the time was coming up to 1:17. I couldn’t believe it I was chuffed then I heard ‘2122- Helen Carr’ and I put my arms in the air, as I got closer decided to do a sprint finish, I just hope I didn’t knock anyone over!!

I stayed around a while and got some food and then decided on a sports massage. I am so glad I did as I think my legs would have been worse today. On the way back I only just caught the train and bus, then got in and had a shower and food before crashing on the sofa. I rang my sister up at some point who was a bit freaked out about how much caffeine I had. 😀 a bit later I went to fetch something from upstairs and found my bad knee had swollen and I couldn’t walk on it, after an icepack and painkillers it was fine again. I even had a bath later to soak my weary body and was passed out by 9pm. 🙂

I was a bit disgusted with the new doctor, and why they had to waste money on a pants show I have no idea, and why wasn’t it Ron Weasley????? or better still Colin Firth??? I mean after appearing in St Trinians anything is possible see below 😀

<iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”//″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

made my day 😀

And then to today. I wasn’t that bad or I thought I wasn’t until I got into town and couldn’t walk as fast as I wanted to. My body wouldn’t let me. I also was a bit hard of hearing. But I think that was because people kept on mumbling for some reason. At some point during the day my sister sent a message saying I’m watching Knightmare. I loved that programme, I think as kids we tried to play it, but I always wanted to go on the quest.

‘side step left, side step left, slide forward’ hooray they’re through the door!

‘Stuart you’re in a clue room’

How daft was this game, shuffling and walking and relying on someone guiding you and not dropping into the pit of despair? I’m going to have to catch up on some episodes, just for the nostalgia. If you haven’t seen the latest click below.

‘and who the hobgoblins are you?’

They brought it back!!! they did it in Norwich! They brought it back!!!!

Oh and thank you to everyone on Twitter for their support, it meant a lot. I can now say I can do anything if I put my mind to it and don’t listen to other people who quite clearly are jealous or not brave enough to do it themselves.

Thank you for reading


Thank goodness for Friday

‘In the houses of the humble a little library in my opinion is a most precious possession.
~ John Bright


It’s August??? When did that happen. Where’s the year gone? Can we slow down a bit now please??!?!?!?!?

I don’t want it to be Christmas yet, there’s too much to do and I like the light evenings. I love sitting out on the doorstep reading and sometimes eating an icecream.

And one day I will have a house which isn’t a back-to-back and has a lovely little garden and a little car to pootle about in and go to lots of bookshops to fill up my library which will have a lovely sofa and loads of cushions. Oh I’m so excited.

Below stuff from the web:

So to the weekend and lots to do and see. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime enjoy all the photos.