It is a truth universally acknowledged that….I HATE MONDAYS!!!!

And if one more cocky buggar tells me to breath I might have to ……..

If you haven’t gathered I don’t like Mondays, I especially don’t like them when the weather is hot and it quite plainly makes everyone become arses! Sorry for swearing but I was in a positive mood, I had been out for a test run, was very short, as I was testing the knee, and didn’t realise how much I let my fitness slip. I was out of puff just going a few yards, but it felt amazing.

Last night it was the White Swan Bookclub and another amazing meeting. I also had a good friend join me who is my sidekick at the radio station to show her why I love bookclub so much. And it didn’t let me down. Rules of book club, you’re not frowned on if you didn’t read the book, well not for long, if you didn’t like it, that’s not a problem, not everyone has the same taste, and it nearly always goes off course, with a new catchphrase ‘back to the book!‘ must include that in a book review somewhere.

Gallery above is all things found on FB

Humans are just funny creatures, never happy with their lot, always wanting more, generally, more money, more gadgets, bigger house, fancier car and I’m one of them. Granted I wish I could have all those things, like others I wish for that big lottery win, but in reality it’s never going to happen, things are gained through hard-work and sometimes sacrifice. And if you want to believe it the type of person you are, the background you have. I believe we all came out of certain set moulds. Some got intelligence, beauty, power, money. Others were hard-working, caring, and did the best with what they got, and beauty in another way. and then there’s the one with pot luck who don;t seem to put in the effort but somehow manage to survive on very little and not have a care in the world. Some are mean’t to be lucky in love, others not so much or just settle for what they can get.

I’ve been thinking a lot about if I could turn back the clock and start again where would it land. A big part of me is drawn to when I first left home in 1999 and went to Middlesbrough. I don’t think it was a good idea me doing a course solely based on Graphic design as I was more a creative/photography person and perhaps should have changed courses. I don’t regret going as my eyes were opened to a lot of things, but I do wish I had kept in touch at home more and especially with my friend Carly. And I wish I had saved more money and went abroad and took my driving test then.

A big, big part of me has been thinking I shouldn’t have took the degree on in Leeds, by this point I think I should have took a break. I had been in education all this time and started working in corner shops and supermarkets to help with living costs, and I now truly believe I should have took ‘proper’ holidays and sent he world. I didn’t because I didn’t believe I could, or could afford, I just didn’t believe in myself.

This has probably come about because of the books I’ve been reading about fictional people coming to life and stuff about time travel, that makes me want to do something more. Do something different.

I’ve looked back at the last 12 months. I remember feeling low, I had scared off all my close friends, my memory kept yo-yoing and I just felt like I was owed so much more! We all do this right? All think that we should have everything and anything without working for it? to be able to have the money to just do the hell we like?

At school they wrote me off. I tried my hardest to prove myself and think I said before once I left school I let go of this determination and that’s where I let myself down. If the 15 year old teenager could see me now she would probably shake her head in disgust but then say but look, you have tried to make amens, You have tried to prove yourself. Look at what you have. A very good job, a one that you are extremely good at. Look at what you have achieved with the book clubs and the amount of reviews you have written, school would never believe you if you told them that. What about the driving, another thing to tick off your list even if it’s been 6 months since you last sat in the driving seat.

What I am trying to say is, we should all be grateful with what we we have, try to manage the situation you’re in the best you can and if it’s not working, well that’s just down to bad management isn’t it really?

Be careful what you wish for, and be grateful for what you have, as once it’s gone you’ll never get it back and you’ll be left with life’s regrets. (think I read that somewhere)

I hope my pep talk to myself will help others.

Thank you for reading

xxx

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