When your life is going great …your friends get to ‘know the real you!!. when your life gets hard… you get to know your real friends!!’

After spending the last weekend at my friend’s house and watching films all day I finally got to relax after I had lasted a week on very little food.

With weekend off I had decided to make a quick visit to my Mum’s after my sister told me the town gala was on. It was a bit expensive but thanks to a few train vouchers I got to see my Mum,Jane and Milo and had the most amazing time. I’m still getting used to my Dad not being there, the fact we can sit and chat, watch crappy tv, sing terribly, and there’s no tension. Whether this tension was imagined or not, I feel so much more relaxed. I just wish I could support Mum more and redecorate the house and build a new fence at the end of the yard. But I think they are doing ok and were pleased to have me, even if I was a mini whirlwind. 😀

The town gala used to be a big event, Spennymoor was known for its industrial business and had quite a few factories. Most of which have closed down and turned into houses, built so close together you could hand a cup of tea to your neighbour through the window and not have to leave your house. The gala used to have floats, lots of them. With people dressed up in different themes and throwing sweets to the kids. Apparently there has been no floats for several years due to the closure of the factories and silly health and safety rules. This year the old cars went past and threw a few sweets, which I ran out in the road to get and gave to my sister’s friend’s kids who were most delighted. One said ‘Helen your the best’ and then later told me off for being childish on the horse thingy ride. 😀

I met up with an old school friend and went on some rides with her and her boys. I vow never ever to go on the waltzer again, ever!.

I also got sunburnt and Mum says I’m fair skinned, I now believe her as it hurts like hell. 😦 Anyway I got to go on a few rides, got to take loads of photos and had a fantastic time. I haven’t been that relaxed in ages. Over the weekend Jane got a game out (see blog) and we ended up in stitches. I hate games sometimes as I always lose, and for once my daft brain helped me win!!!

I returned to Leeds yesterday after catching both the bus and train with minutes to spare, the train got held up because of signalling problem but I wasn’t fussed, I had a book to read and a beautiful view to gaze on. One thing I have learnt, not just over the last few years but over the last few days, how important family is. Yesterday was two years since I passed my test. I keep getting cheeked that I didn’t keep my car long enough, but that was one of my biggest mistakes. I wanted to wait but felt a lot of pressure to buy one. I was just so relieved to have passed. I bought the wrong car and insurance and upkeep was just through the roof. I still want to drive but think it’ll be a while yet before I can afford to do that and next time I’ll take longer to choose a car. I’ve looked back at what I’ve been doing since I left home in 1999 and a lot of it I regret, everyone has regrets. I lost out on a good relationship because I couldn’t cope and perhaps gone to the counselling sessions after my friend died and I was to scared to, I should have also dealt with issues with my Dad, a long, long time ago, but I know now he will never ever change. We used to be scared at what mood he would be in and recently I got told ‘we never know what ‘Helen’ we get’ and I realised I was following my Dad’s trademark. However it works both ways with other people to.

At school I was told I would never go far. I also believed no one would be interested in a relationship with me. My ex of 8 years who I hate, when we first met, believed in me and loved me for who I was and now, part of me feels like I’ve been tricked, even though we grew apart and I was stupid enough to cling on because I didn’t believe in myself. That’s why I am quite content in being single, I don’t believe there is a ‘Mr Darcy’ for me, not unless he’s a weirdo or has no other option. Plus, and this will sound silly, even though my sister always laughs that I never listen, I don’t think I could deal with anyone else’s emotions right now, it’s bad enough when people think I don’t know what I’m doing, even though I do and for someone to try take over again, I just can’t do it. So I will grow old, go to as many book clubs as possible, grow to hate food shopping even more and live off coffee.

and on that note I need to finish reading the White Queen and have coffee and granola slice.

Thank you for reading



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