‘Change is a decision’

‘Actually I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed. Just like that!.’ found this on another blog.

It’s time to let things go. it’s time to let the idea of having kids go. to believe that there won’t be a ‘jack thomas’ or and emily louise’ and that the idea of a family, loving husband, house etc is a dream. Yes it might come true one day but for now I have to stop thinking about what I don’t have and be grateful for what I do have. Someone said last night that you can’t let anyone else in your life until you are complete as a person until you believe in yourself and love the person you are, then you will find the right person for you.

I truly believe this. up until now I have had no faith in myself as  a person and it took a long time for me to believe my ex that he loved me for who I was, but then after a few years I lost that person. we both became different people and that’s not what relationships are about. you’re mean’t to stay the same person but grow older and wiser. That’s all. Not become someone you don’t recognise any more.

I know I can be stubborn. I know I don’t listen to people’s advice. I know that this silly thing to do with trust is just a reaction. But the one thing I can’t cope with is the fact through all this my memory has been effected.Especially in times of stress and when I take on more than I can handle.

Everyone has their problems. Everyone deals with them differently. We can be strong and shut them away or we can think we’re strong and let them troubles seep into our being and slowly destroy us from the inside. Sometimes we need someone to point out when we’re acting strangely. Sometimes we need someone to just walk up to you and give you a hug without realising. One of my signs is cleaning and listening to certain music. When I got on a mad cleaning spree whether it’s needed or not I should stop myself and step back and ask why, but I don’t.

I sometimes don’t ask other people if they’re ok in case they’re not. I have been through so many emotions in the last three years that now it’s time just to let it all go. Just think about me and let no one in. I keep getting advice from all corners and keep getting told that I have my health and that no one died, so I should just get on with it. Everybody has the right to grieve, whether the person is dead or not. Losing something is just the same. There shouldn’t be a time limit on it. But you should be able to be given time to talk about it. To get it out your system. Just don’t leave it to long like I did. It’s one of my biggest regrets but pride and shame got in the way. Life is to short and friendships and relationships with family is precious. Be the bigger person and accept responsibility for your life. Money can only do so much but people and the simple things in life like a catch-up over food and drink and it doesn’t have to cost the earth can bring so much more joy to your life than you think and I  think that’s the only way to be happy.

Cherish who you are and who you share it with. Treat people how you want to be treated and if you are in a mood or angry apologise for your reactions. After all we’re only human and can have bad days. Just make the good ones count.

Thank you for reading

xxx

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