Damn you hormones and damn the fact that what is written can be taken any which way depending on your mood. I think I may have done something silly. But I’m getting to the point I want to delete Facebook and emails and twitter and go back to ringing and talking face to face. No more written pieces when something is important!!!!!
Oh my god how I hate the cyber world and the things that go around in my head. I have just had a pang of jealousy because I saw on Facebook my friend had put up pictures of his son with someone who I felt let down by. He believes it wasn’t her fault and she was trying to help amongst going through her own problems. Granted I didn’t take that on board, and perhaps I asked for too much. But I know from growing up and my Dad reading the paper and watching TV, that you weren’t allowed to talk is hard to take in sometimes. It makes you feel unworthy. I know sometimes in the last two years, I’m not always giving my full attention when talking to someone and I have tried to cut this out in the last year, but when you don’t know what to believe any more and are looking for that little bit of reassurance, you don’t expect to get ignored.
The other day I did an #ff and the reply came back -don’t follow me. I’m not sure what this mean’t so I ‘unfollowed’ him. I’m feeling like tonight I have acted a bit hasty and now because I have seen that he has visited this person and she was cuddling his son, All I could think of was that should be me. So I ‘unfriended’ him. But alas we don’t talk any more. He got caught up in everything that’s happened with Chris and I think in the end it’s best neither of us be friends with him and that’s sad. So I have either done a really stupid, cowardly thing, or it’s time to just cut my losses again. I’ve found other people aren’t on there either and don’t know if I ‘unfriended’ them in another moment of madness. And why on earth does it bother me that I’ve been ‘unfriended’ in the cyber world???
Can anything ever be like it was again. Why am I not learning any lessons? Have I burnt to many bridges? Why does the green eyed monster live so deep inside me? Why can’t I just accept I’m not mean’t to fit in? and why the hell do people have to play loud bloody music on a Saturday night? and why haven’t I got the bacon out yet?
But one last thing. We all have our own lives, we all react diffidently. Someone might appear on the outside to be strong confident ‘or getting better’ But you will never know the real truth. And once the rot sets in and the relationships start to crumble away, it’s best to let go. Sometimes it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. As people keep telling me, the past is behind you, you have to egt on with the future and if certain people don’t want to be a part of it so be it. They’re not the only one struggling to cope.
Thank you for reading