Once again I’ve spent most of my day off blogging. Granted I sat for over 3 hours watching Two films: The Woman In Black and The Clash Of The Titans and it was the second choice that made me jump more. I dread to think what I will be dreaming about tonight. I had to sit and focus on the films as so much is going around in my head at the moment.
I don’t know if I mentioned it before but I found the perfect room, in a gigantic house and could see myself living there only to be scuppered by the thing I have very little of. Money. It’s a long time since I was in a house share and it may sound naive, But I was looking for one room and apparently these days (it may have happened before I don’t know) but if someone moves out you have to cover that rooms rent and bills. This to me feels like being penalised for renting. It started making me think I should stay where I am even though it’s getting more and more expensive. I wanted to move so I could be in a different area be amongst people, even if they did spend majority of time in their rooms, and share the housework.
(I would love to do this dance! blast from the past good on them)
This afternoon, lying on my beloved sofa, I realised what I would be giving up. If you had told me over two years ago how hard it was to live on your own I might have thought twice, but the situation I was in I just felt like I needed to escape. I felt crowded. I felt annoyed and scared and quite clearly wasn’t thinking that it was just me from now on and not part of a team. I think I have always been a part of something and to finally realise I am not is quite hard to swallow.
I’m writing this post because I’m mean’t to be reading a book. Instead I’m procrastinating by having the TV on and washing up. I normally avoid the washing up like the plague, not sure why. It just piles up. I will turn everything off now and go and read. I really don’t know why I am avoiding it. today’s not been that bad.
So to the future. What will it bring. I have no idea. I have to fix things the best I can and get on with what I have going for me now. I have to stop thinking about how time is rushing by, about what I should have had and what I do have. I’m getting old quick and I’m like a dog with a bone. The type, a Jack Russell. Like my Mum’s dog. Completely potty, protects me against anyone and has a bark so loud he sounds like he’s ten times bigger.
Thank you for reading