What a week. I have finally come to the conclusion to give up house hunting. I badly, badly need to downsize and start saving money and buy some new clothes, but I just can’t take it any more I feel like I’m being punished. All I want is cheaper accommodation and bills included so there is no hassle. Yesterday was the perfect place, I could see my self living there, but when I do my sums somehow I’m no better off apart from it being with other people, good location and an enormous room. Tonight I saw one in Armley, what unnerved me was the fact there was no lighting, she showed me round in semi darkness and twice I nearly fell down the stairs. Rooms were good apart from one I would choose that had a broken wardrobe, damp in the corner and a mattress that looked like it had had better days.
I just can’t do it any more. Especially after I found out yesterday that if a tenant moves out the rest have to foot the bill. That to me is shocking and why should the others be penalised because someone moves out? When I questioned the young lass tonight she was very cagey about it. so with that and ‘oh the landlord is going to fix it’ the ‘no lights on’ problem and the state of the room it just made me think it’s time to leave it and concentrate on bookclub and enjoying the new boiler. Because in a way it’s silly to move before jury duty, seeing as you have to wait for money and I don’t know how long it will be going on for which is really stressing me out.
Work has been hard this week as it’s mainly t-shirts and that takes a lot more effort than canvases. There’s so many details to remember and get right but it’s great when you pull off a good design. and I love picking flex. It’s like when you were a kid and painted your hands with pva glue and then peeled it off like a second skin :).
We also had an inspection today from the centre and once again manage to pass with flying colours, on leaving they told me I should never leave as I am now part of the centre and it would be awful if I left. Perhaps I should move into the centre in one of the storerooms and get a gym membership so I can get a shower? Or if anyone has a basement or granny flat, I’m good at cleaning,except washing up and the toilet, bleugh!
Someone said to me tonight, you have to keep going no matter how hard things get. Two points, one I don’t know if I can (and it sounds melodramatic,but I feel so tired at the moment I just need a break and not just a holiday) and secondly today I was stood pressing a mousemat and wondered how the hell I got here, to this point I mean. You know when you don’t want to be like someone and you try your hardest not to, but end up being like them anyway? Well that’s how I feel at the moment, and today it just dawned on me that perhaps this is what someone has mapped out for me, to be the underdog even though I keep trying to be better and do better. Right from school someone has always tried to push me back and every time I try to break free something always seems to go wrong. I really really wish I could break this pattern but I’m quite clearly not learning from my mistakes.
So before I go for a second bath, just because my knee is killing me and because I can. I just want to point out I can watch Michael McIntyre without my stomach turning, as I saw him in Newcastle with my sister when I was coming down with something (turns out it was suspected swine flu so sorry if I infected anyone) and since then I couldn’t watch him. Not a big thing I know but hey it’s Friday and I’ve still got too much to do.
Thank you for reading and I leave you with these……..
Things that interest me today from the internet: