WARNING THIS IS A LONG ONE! Yes I hear you, here she goes again 🙂
‘I just want to be OK, be OK, be OK I just want to be OK today I just want to be OK, be OK, be OK I just want to be OK today I just want to know today, know today, know today Know that maybe I will be OK’
It’s Monday, It’s a new week. It’s mid March (When the hell did that happen???) and I feel like poo. I really, really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I felt fine yesterday. I spent most the day on the sofa finishing The Book Thief for bookclub the same evening, it was my pick and I had it on my ‘to-read list’ for years and was determined to finish it. I managed half a book in 6 hours!!! Even fitting in a bacon sandwich. I went into town early to pick some stuff up and then have chips at the White Swan before we started. It was on of the best meetings so far, I felt like I had reprieved myself as the majority liked the book, my first choice last month being Revolutionary Road felt like it was an epic fail (slight exaggeration). Anyway on the scoring I wanted to give it more because it’s a long time since I got lost in a book like that. It was just magical! I got to do this by Niamh introducing something which I can’t remember what it was called. Damn!
One member had mentioned before the meeting visiting Newcastle and I had asked if she was aware of the stottie, and of pease pudding. bleugh! my Dad used to just spread it on bread. I think it’s crushed lentils. Here’s an explanation of a stottie:
Question: What is a Stottie?
Stottie is a word you will only really hear in the North East of England, the home of the Stottie or Stottie Cake.
Answer: Stotties are famous in the North East of England, particularly but not exclusively around Newcastle. The stottie or stottie cake as it is also known is a large, round, flat bread – sometimes as large as 30cm diameter. The word comes from the local ‘geordie’ vernacular ‘to stott’ ( bounce.Traditionally the stottie would be quite a heavy, chewy bread, but modern bread making techniques now produce much lighter cakes. The cake however does need to be solid enough to hold a hefty filling once split – egg and bacon being a particular favourite.Similar bread cakes are made in other parts of the UK but are known variously as oven cakes, oven bottom cakes, bread cakes.
You see I love my food and my comfort food is chips and cake. It depends on chocolate on how I;m feeling, but give me a bowl of chips and mayonnaise/salad cream or even with gravy and I’m in heaven. I highly recommend Gravely’s fish and chips in Leeds or The White Swan Pub in the city centre. see below 🙂
So last week was a toughie. It was leading up to Mother’s Day. Another excuse for working in retail to exploit everyone. I know it sounds dangerous saying that and hear everyone sucking in breathe, and although I love what I do, I love being able to be creative, I just hate the chaos and sometimes rudeness that comes with it. Saturday was the killer for me, I started at 8 finished at 6 with the aim of trying to catch up from Friday and put everything back in order then WALLOP! everyone started coming in and we had queue’s going round the stand and backing into Phones 4 U. shocking. At one point I didn’t like looking up from the computer. But we did it. I think the effect hit me this morning though. I felt shocking. What made it worse was I again went in especially early to finish a job believing that it was to be picked up first thing only to be picked up after 10:30am. Made me wonder why I bothered. I should learn not to let these things get to me.
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!
‘‘George Orwell’s dystopian masterpiece, Nineteen Eighty-Four is perhaps the most pervasively influential book of the twentieth century, making famous Big Brother, newspeak and Room 101.‘Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past’Hidden away in the Record Department of the sprawling Ministry of Truth, Winston Smith skilfully rewrites the past to suit the needs of the Party. Yet he inwardly rebels against the totalitarian world he lives in, which demands absolute obedience and controls him through the all-seeing telescreens and the watchful eye of Big Brother, symbolic head of the Party. In his longing for truth and liberty, Smith begins a secret love affair with a fellow-worker Julia, but soon discovers the true price of freedom is betrayal.Eric Arthur Blair (1903-1950), better known by his pen-name, George Orwell, was born in India, where his father worked for the Civil Service. An author and journalist, Orwell was one of the most prominent and influential figures in twentieth-century literature. His unique political allegory Animal Farm was published in 1945, and it was this novel, together with the dystopia of Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949), which brought him world-wide fame. All his novels and non-fiction, including Burmese Days (1934), Down and Out in Paris and London (1933), The Road to Wigan Pier (1937) and Homage to Catalonia (1938) are published in Penguin Modern Classics.’ Blurb from Amazon.co.uk
Recently I have felt people are watching me (Yes, I hear you sound like a crazy lady!) But at work I forget where I am in my little goldfish bowl and just go into a world of my own while finishing jobs. Last week I got a call from security asking what I was doing with the intention of telling me there was a delivery, I am directly under one of the cameras, and they check what I’m doing so I can go fetch the delivery, but always forget and one day I was dancing and I got a call saying ‘what on earth are you doing??’ I went almost crimson. Today I had real trouble with one of the computers. It kept crashing emails and then word kept saving things but not saving things and I got all muddled. I also had a problem later on and found the mouse not working only to find out a colleague had been on the network and apparently was checking something, this has happened before and freaked the hell out of me. I can also say by that point my reaction to him ringing up to tell me my poster had a misspelling didn’t deserve the reaction I gave on the phone but it was only because I was hacked off at them playing with the computer and secondly because once again I had what I thought a great idea but got it wrong, again. I tried to be clever and failed. Like the time at school when I was taken back to junior school to say ‘how wonderful comprehensive was’, it wasn’t, and was asked what PSE was. I said ‘Personal Sex Education’ er no was the reply. Another pupil piped up and said ‘Personal Social Eduication’. I should realise that I am only mean’t for certain things 😦
I wanted to blog tonight because so much has happened recently and I don’t have anyone to off load to at home apart from talking to myself. And this is my way of doing it at the moment. The other thing is I had five minutes today to check personal emails, partly to see about house hunting, partly to escape the world of work for five minutes, it can get quite intense sometimes. Only thing is there, in one of my accounts was an email from my ex. What did I do? I read it. stupid, stupid me *slaps head*. You see I met up with him a couple of months back to try get *closure*. I don’t think it worked. Although I did realise the person I love/loved is not there but wondered how I could waste eight years of my life on him and another two trying to work out what went wrong and why I allowed myself to believe someone could love me for me.
He always used to tell me I shouldn’t watch Bridget Jones Diary and that crap. Perhaps he was right or perhaps my Mr Darcy is out there I’m just preventing him from finding me or he’s read this and he’s ran off :).
The email was another apology and wondered if I had talked to a friend of ours recently. I said no, I said, like him I had damaged the relationship and felt it best to leave him alone. I did a stupid thing of discussing something via Facebook and deeply regret it. However I have some of his stuff and how to get it back to him is a bit of a puzzle. I don;t know how to fix the damage, because I don’t know what I have left to give. I think now I can count all my friends on one hand. How silly we humans are. We just get so self-absorbed. We all want things that everyone else has. I always wanted a family, three kids, a dog, a house a lovely car and a good job. I can gladly say I have one of them.
I’ve been thinking about what’s been happening lately, things kicking off with LBC and the radio station and think ‘oh my god, how lucky am I to be given this chance?!’. I was wrote off at school. Unlike my sister it can take me time to absorb information. I’m rubbish with numbers, actually I’m quite shocking. It took 4 attempts to cash up on Tuesday. I’m a slow reader, or I think I am, it might just be it’s not the right material for me. My sister helped me get a distinction in my dissertation and I am generally bad speller without realising it because I don’t check things and rely too much on predictive text due to being short on patience.
So if you’ve read this and think I’m being a bit pathetic, then you’re probably right. I’m fed up of being on my own, and hope to god one of the houses on Thursday works out, I can hear someone saying ‘I just pity the person you move in with’, but I’m hoping it will be fun.
So to the last two weeks of March and 6 weeks until Jury Duty (should I be mentioning that?) which I am absolutely terrified by and hoping so hoping it will be over in two weeks, although it would be a good break in a sense, something different from what’s going on now. And I have ‘To Kill a Mocking Bird’ to re-read for Radio Bookclub *bounces* and I have the next book in the Enid Blyton challenge to read and review. Oh and I almost forgot, I’m seeing the band FUN in april to. *VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT* .
Type FUN in to Google and you mainly get about the band 🙂 Some Nights is one of my favourites!!!
So after wasting two hours on here, being distracted by the TV instead of reading ‘The Silver Sword, (still determined to find the cover of the book I read at school), Looking for the paperwork to check dates, I gave up after 5 minutes and the attic being freeeeezing!!! I am off to bed and hoping tomorrow will be a better day and I can find that bloody form!!!
Oh and one last thing apparently out of Blue-Ray a lovely film: