Monthly Archives: March 2013

129 cambridge Road

First place from home.
First place from home.

I found this on Rightmove, can’t believe it’s same place. There’s no sign of the dark orange walls or the tatty blue couch or the battered washing machine or mucky blue carpet that I was convinced was held together with mould.

It was back in 1999 that I first left home. I had not done well at school, well I had done better than expected but wasn’t expected to go far by my teachers. I went on to do two GNVQs at Bishop Auckland college, again having problems, this time with teachers holding me back. I was given the option to go on to further education and choices I remember were Lincoln, Edinburgh and Middlesbrough. Why these places I don’t know. The first two were too far from home and when I went for the interview for this one he was the most enthusiastic teacher ever. So I took it.

As regards viewing houses, I can’t remember if I did or not or whether it was last minute and was given this place. You see the hedge on the right? I ended up in that one night. Think it was one of the  first night out past 1am. before I left home Carly and I were always back by midnight as her Mum used to come and collect us. When I moved here we were a stones throw from the town centre and a long pub crawl and of course Liquid nightclub where all drinks (think it was VKs at the time) were a £1 a time.

The reason I fell into the hedge was because I had way too much too drink, probably not enough to eat and was the first time I had been out all night, therefore I fell asleep in the nightclub, and my friends got told to ‘wake me up or get me out’ they had to get me out. one on each arm and into a taxi. We got back and someone couldn’t get the key in the door. Still holding me up one of them said, can you stand while we help him. I apparently said yes and went sideways into the hedge.

I have always been a lightweight, apparently take after my brother. When I started going out with friends at college before I left home, My Mum had to tell my Dad I was drinking ‘orange juice with a little bit of alcohol’. He even believed that when I had a first encounter with too much vodka and was throwing up all the way home and was found in the morning on the sofa with a bucket next to me. nice. 🙂

It wasn’t until 3 years later when I came home from Middlesbrough and had gone out the night before, this time too much cider. My cousin had turned up to see my Dad and was taking the michael out of me. Without thinking I was telling him what had happened and how college was going and there stood my Dad with his jaw to the ground. 😀 it was my proudest moment. That along with previous to that I had tried to get the key in the door one night when drunk and couldn’t. Next thing I knew the door flew open and I fell in. My Dad muttered something and I went to sleep on the sofa, again. Next morning Mum said ‘Your Dad isn’t very pleased with you, said you came in pissed as a newt trying to get through the letterbox’  Sorry for the swearing. I never asked if he’d seen a drunk newt.

Anyway I’m off track, back to Middlesbrough. Some of it I regret, I didn’t keep in touch with Carly or home enough. I took on too much working at the corner shop two hours every morning before college. Although I loved that job, I once had to give a description to the police of a few stolen teddy bears and an Easter egg. don’t ask. I also served the guy who played Colin from Brittas empire once.

All the house-mates when to an all you can eat Chinese buffet where two of the lads had starved themselves so they could eat more, i ahd been working I think and had eaten, I went on to eat two starters, three main courses and two bowls of icecream getting either giddy or tipsy on the rum icecream. 🙂

I went out with a lovely lad who made me laugh.

apparently my catch phrase then was ‘I can’t be chewed’ completely forgot about that. 🙂

I saw Chesney Hawkes play at the Uni and he nearly got lynched because everyone wanted to hear the one song he is famous for.

I had my first and last donor kebab. think it had chilli sauce on it.

We went to Tall Trees in Yarm, my brother and his friend came to. The club had cling film on the toilet seats and they revolved!!! Oh and before we going made a cocktail of 11 drinks I think it was and large chunks of fruit. got very messy I believe. 🙂

In 129, we had an old washing machine, that used to bounce across the room. If you were in the shower and the taps were turned on in turned into a small steaming hot trickle which hurt. There was a war on washing up at one point where I had enough of not getting to the sink so started to bleach some stuff and binned the rest, they soon decided to wash up then. The week we were leaving the landlord took out the living room window and replaced the sofa, then replaced the window.

I could go on and on but some stories I can’t tell. I know I met a great bunch of people, nearly all I have lost contact with for one reason or another.  I was on a graphics course where I ended up being the only female, but got distinctions in business and my dissertation and a merit for my designs. If anything it was a good learning curve and if I were to do it again I would certainly tell my young self to budget better and make sure you eat more before drinking. 🙂

I spent the summer of that year in Norwich where I met my good friend Rachel, before I came to Leeds and this is where I stayed and most of that you know by now. 🙂 I did however spend two weeks in Middlesbrough training for my job at Olan Mills and I must say it was a bit surreal to go back. Such fond memories yet such sad ones to.

Thank you for reading



Overthinking. How it feels overcrowded sometimes

I’m so suggestible. Thank you IKEA 🙂

Once again I’ve spent most of my day off blogging. Granted I sat for over 3 hours watching Two films: The Woman In Black and The Clash Of The Titans and it was the second choice that made me jump more. I dread to think what I will be dreaming about tonight. I had to sit and focus on the films as so much is going around in my head at the moment.

I don’t know if I mentioned it before but I found the perfect room, in a gigantic house and could see myself living there only to be scuppered by the thing I have very little of. Money. It’s a long time since I was in a house share and it may sound naive, But I was looking for one room and apparently these days (it may have happened before I don’t know) but if someone moves out you have to cover that rooms rent and bills. This to me feels like being penalised for renting. It started making me think I should stay where I am even though it’s getting more and more expensive. I wanted to move so I could be in a different area be amongst people, even if they did spend majority of time in their rooms, and share the housework.

(I would love to do this dance! blast from the past good on them)

This afternoon, lying on my beloved sofa, I realised what I would be giving up. If you had told me over two years ago how hard it was to live on your own I might have thought twice, but the situation I was in I just felt like I needed to escape. I felt crowded. I felt annoyed and scared and quite clearly wasn’t thinking that it was just me from now on and not part of a team. I think I have always been a part of something and to finally realise I am not is quite hard to swallow.

I’m writing this post because I’m mean’t to be reading a book. Instead I’m procrastinating by having the TV on and washing up. I normally avoid the washing up like the plague, not sure why. It just piles up. I will turn everything off now and go and read. I really don’t know why I am avoiding it. today’s not been that bad.

So to the future. What will it bring. I have no idea. I have to fix things the best I can and get on with what I have going for me now. I have to stop thinking about how time is rushing by, about what I should have had and what I do have. I’m getting old quick and I’m like a dog with a bone. The type, a Jack Russell. Like my Mum’s dog. Completely potty, protects me against anyone and has a bark so loud he sounds like he’s ten times bigger.


Thank you for reading


The Woman In Black: Book & Film

The Author Susan Hill –

‘What real reader does not yearn, somewhere in the recesses of his or her heart, for a really literate, first-class thriller–one that chills the body, but warms the soul with plot, perception, and language at once astute and vivid? In other words, a ghost story written by Jane Austen?

Alas, we cannot give you Austen, but Susan Hill’s remarkable Woman In Black comes as close as our era can provide. Set on the obligatory English moor, on an isolated causeway, the story has as its hero Arthur Kipps, an up-and-coming young solicitor who has come north from London to attend the funeral and settle the affairs of Mrs. Alice Drablow of Eel Marsh House. The routine formalities he anticipates give way to a tumble of events and secrets more sinister and terrifying than any nightmare: the rocking chair in the deserted nursery, the eerie sound of a pony and trap, a child’s scream in the fog, and most dreadfully–and for Kipps most tragically–The Woman In Black.

The Woman In Black is both a brilliant exercise in atmosphere and controlled horror and a delicious spine-tingler–proof positive that this neglected genre, the ghost story, isn’t dead after all.’From Goodreads

I read this book in August 2011, not sure why. I don;t know if it was a much read but I remember it was one that stuck with me for a bit after. Here’s my mini review of it on Goodreads giving it five star

‘I didn’t think much of this book at first. but it kept me gripped and then wham! the ending was amazing. has me a bit spooked now.’

I have been told that the theatre version of this book is really good and has my friend spooked so much the sheer mention of it makes her shiver. I think it’s coming to Leeds or has been and I’m not sure I ‘d be the right person to go to it, as I jump at anything.

Finally I opened it and sat and watched it and did nothing else

I got given this for Christmas or my Birthday, I can’t remember. It’s one of a set of DVD’s that still have the cellophane on. After sorting through everything this morning and doing a bit of tidying up, I decided for once I would sit and watch a film and concentrate on that and that alone. To scared to watch on my own in the evening I thought I’d watch it this afternoon. Best bit is as the telly is going on the blink it kept making funny noises at crucial bits, as if The Woman in Black was trying to reach through! *hides under blanket*.

This story, although not rating much of the book by the sounds of it is a classic ghost story. In a time of superstition being ripe this is a classic story of curses and vengeance.  As usual with me and books I had to do a bit of research on the net to check if what others thought and to see if the story for the film was different to the book and it was. I always prefer to read the book before the film if I can as I set the characters and what they look like, and the film just fills it in. Whether knowing the background to the story first is a good idea when watching films I don’t know, but I do love this film, Actually I think it’s better.  It is not often that I prefer a film to a book and yes it takes a while to shake ‘Harry Potter’ off the Lovely Daniel Radcliffe but he does a fantastic job and you’re sat there going ‘no! don’t open the door!’ But he does and then all hell breaks loose.

Apparently there is to be a follow-up to the book and the film but not by the same author Wonder if this spoils the original story or creates another spooky story. Will it be as chilling as the first?

If you’re into ghost stories another good one is Awakenings set at Lyme Park (You know the place where Colin Firth comes out of the pond??? well he doesn’t but you know what I mean) and not to be confused with The Robin Williams film (which I love) based on the book by Oliver Sacks another book on my to read list for this year (I have had a copy for years and just not got round to it)

Thank you for reading


Book review: The Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz

The 1939 film The Wizard of Oz DVD Blurb

Like the Tin Man’s heart, the true test of a real classic is how much it is loved by others. The enduring charms of The Wizard of Oz have easily weathered the vicissitudes of changing fashions making the film one of the world’s best-loved, most-quoted and frequently imitated movies.

It’s now as ubiquitous an American pop-cultural icon as McDonald’s, making judging the movie purely on its own merits an almost impossible task. Judy Garland’s tragic later life, for example, makes her naïve and utterly beguiling Dorothy seem all the more poignant in retrospect. But this at least is clear: much of this movie’s success depends on the winning appeal of Garland’s “Everygirl” figure, who creates the vital identification and empathy necessary to carry the audience with her into the land of Oz. We always care deeply about Dorothy, her quest for home and the strength of her friendship with her companions. Garland’s assured dancing and singing routines with her ideally cast Broadway comedy co-stars Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr and Jack Haley are still endlessly delightful, of course, and the songs and score (by Arlen, Harburg and Stothart) are as good as anything in the Hollywood musical canon. It is Garland’s deeply felt rendition of “Over the Rainbow” that is both the film’s emotional core and the reason why adults as much as children the world over still respond so strongly to this movie. So long as people long for home and the love of their friends and family, the nostalgic appeal of Oz will never fade.

Classic musical adaptation of the L. Frank Baum novel starring Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr and Jack Haley. A tornado whisks Dorothy (Garland) and her house from Kansas to Munchkin City, squashing the Wicked Witch of the East upon landing. The Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton) vows revenge, while Dorothy sets off on the yellow brick road to see the Wizard of Oz (Frank Morgan), hoping he can tell her how to get home. On the way she makes friends with a scarecrow (Bolger), a tin man (Haley) and a cowardly lion (Lahr) – all of whom have specific reasons for wanting to meet the magical Wizard. With the Wicked Witch out to get her, will Dorothy ever get home again?

The Book


Like Robin Hood, Alice or Winnie the Pooh, Baum’s inventions – the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodman, the Wizard and the Wicked Witch of the West, as well as Dorothy and her dog Toto – have become the mythological furniture of our children’s minds, and of our own and our parents… Funny and inventive (Marina Warner Guardian )

The tales of Aesop and other fabulists…will never pass entirely away, but a welcome place remains and will easily be found for such stories as The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (New York Times )

Book Description

‘There is no place like home…’

This much loved tale has enchanted generations of children and adults alike

Product Description

Dorothy Gale and her little dog Toto are in for the ride of their lives when a tornado drops them off in the Land of Oz. Can Dorothy and her new friends survive the perils of Oz to reach the Wizard and find a way home?


After a cyclone transports her to the land of Oz, Dorothy must seek out the great wizard in order to return to Kansas.

From the Back Cover

‘The road to the City of Emeralds is paved with yellow brick,’ said the Witch

When a tornado crashes through Kansas city, Dorothy and her dog Toto are whisked far away, over the rainbow, to a strange land called Oz. How will they ever get home? And what is at the end of the yellow brick road? Plucky Dorothy and Toto embark on a magical adventure to search for the Wizard of Oz and along the way encounter the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion.

This much loved tale has enchanted generations of children and adults alike.

See also: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

About the Author

L.Frank  Baum
L.Frank Baum

L. Frank Baum, born in Chittenango, NY, in 1856, began writing at the age of forty. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was the first of his fourteen full-length Oz novels, all of which are available in handsome gift editions from Books of Wonder/HarperCollins. W. W. Denslow was born in 1856. Famous for his colorful illustrations for many popular turn-of-the-century children’s books, he is best remembered as the original illustrator of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Introduction to the book by the Author


Folklore, legends, myths and fairy tales have followed childhood through the ages, for every healthy youngster has a wholesome and instinctive love for stories fantastic, marvelous and manifestly unreal. The winged fairies of Grimm and Andersen have brought more happiness to childish hearts than all other human creations.

Yet the old time fairy tale, having served for generations, may now be classed as “historical” in the children’s library; for the time has come for a series of newer “wonder tales” in which the stereotyped genie, dwarf and fairy are eliminated, together with all the horrible and blood-curdling incidents devised by their authors to point a fearsome moral to each tale. Modern education includes morality; therefore the modern child seeks only entertainment in its wonder tales and gladly dispenses with all disagreeable incident.

Having this thought in mind, the story of “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” was written solely to please children of today. It aspires to being a modernized fairy tale, in which the wonderment and joy are retained and the heartaches and nightmares are left out.

L. Frank Baum

Chicago, April, 1900.

More history here

My copy, 50p from the charity shop.
My copy, 50p from the charity shop.

My Review

***possible spoilers***

This story has been with me since I was a small child. I never realised it was a book until recently. Everyone is aware of the film with Judy Garland in it and the wonderful songlist that everyone can sing off by heart. I can’t remember if it was the flying monkeys or the wheelies in ‘The Return to Oz’ that scared my Sister or me, (second film is a bit bizarre) but I know The Wizard of Oz is a fantastic film and when I started reading the book I thought I would rediscover the magic from my childhood and add the songs myself.

However like any film adaption they sometimes stray from the book. This one has in places. Both I love, But which I prefer I don’t know. Did you know in the book the shoes are actually silver and in the film they are ‘ruby slippers’. I’m not sure if they changed this for visual effect or not.

In the book we meet Dorothy, a young orphan living with her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry in a very remote are in Kansas. Toto the dog is her only companion and one day the Uncle spots a cyclone coming and goes to secure the animals. Aunt Em goes to safety in a hole under the house and Dorothy goes to follow, losing Toto in the process she goes to find him and then finds that the house has is suddenly spinning in the air. Not knowing where the house is going Dorothy falls asleep. When she awakes she finds she’s in a strange land. Full of colour, beauty, flowers and birds. Not like Kansas at all. She is greeted by a small group of people, one being the the good Witch of the North and she explains she has killed the Wicked Witch of the East, well indirectly as her house landing on her did.

The Witch explains she needs to travel to the Emerald City to see the Great Wizard Oz. She kisses Dorothy on the head as a form of protection and leaves her to prepare for her journey. Dorothy decides to take the Wicked Witches Silver shoes as they would be more comfortable for the long journey then her own. She gets changed into a dress which is chequered blue and white and sets off with Toto. This later gives the impression that she is a good sorceress because apparently white is the sign of a good witch and blue is the sign of munchkins and also the silver shoes. Funny how even today we judge people by their appearance first, and personality second.

On this journey she meets the Scarecrow who desires the need for a brain, to be able to be clever and not be seen as a fool. then there is the tin man who wants to have a heart believing it’s the only thing that can make you happy and then the Lion. He would like courage as he’s scared of most things. As he says ‘As long as I know I am a coward I shall be unhappy’

The journey through the book takes them on many adventures a few which aren’t mentioned in the film. I’ll let you find out for yourselves. Also when hey enter the Emerald City they are mean’t to wear green glasses before they can enter the city, obviously turning everything green. Part of me believes there is a big emphasis on appearance being important, that Everyone in the City had to believe where there was a beautiful city of green emeralds when actually it wasn’t anything ordinary? In the end although she is sad to leave her new found friends Dorothy is returned home, as she said in the story ‘There’s no place like home’.

Part of me believes this book is more about teaching kids that appearance isn’t everything and we can all be strong, have courage be happy and be clever if we just believe in ourselves. The scarecrow thinks he needs brains so he won’t be taken for a fool but is actually quite clever. The Tin Man thinks he needs a heart to be happy again, but when he’s amongst his companions he doesn’t realise it was company he was missing. And the lion, believing he was a coward when actually he was quite brave. But all these characters needed ‘something’ to show for it or someone to give it them when they had it inside them all along.

I think This adventure is much stronger than the film but both are as good as each other. I recommend you read this book, it’s almost like a mini self help book for kids. It’s full of adventure, it’s full of interesting characters. Read it and let me know what you think.

an original cover?
an original cover?

One last thing, I never knew that this was part of a series.  I’m wondering because I know this story so well whether I could read the rest incase I am disappointed. I doubt I will be.

Thank you for reading


Time to breathe

It’s my day off and I haven’t been able to relax so far. I haven’t been sleeping properly with it being cold. The last three nights I have woke up at 2am and laid awake. It’s been like an icebox in my room and last night I was having a daft thought someone might be ‘visiting’ to tell em something. Bonkers I know! The other night I woke with a start and thought I had forgotten a order. It took me ages toe tell my self to leave until the morning. Funny thing is I forgot about it until 11am the next morning and couldn’t find the order, it mustn’t have existed. I now dread the first few hours of a morning incase there’s a call or email. Yes I hold an important position and it’s to be expected but I think I have just too many things going on that I’m not sure how to manage them. I just can;t stop thinking! Some I can’t deal with until other people get back to me. I can’t move house as I need quite a bit of money for bond and rent upfront. It’s expensive moving house. It can anything up to £1000 and that’s only renting a room!!!

Yesterday was a bad day it was so cold and the day was slow and my concentration just went. I think working four days in the cold had finally got to me. The weather is picking up but again it’s snowing and cold. I wonder what the summer is going to bring, will it be hot and no air conditioning or will it just be sunny and rainy?

So I’ve decided to look into doing a stress/anxiety course. See if that can help. In the meantime I’ve been doing some research and try put these in to action.


Tips to Manage Anxiety and Stress

When you’re feeling anxious or stressed, these strategies will help you cope:

  • Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head.
  • Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Do keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand.
  • Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks.
  • Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.
  • Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Check out the fitness tips below.
  • Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.
  • Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary.
  • Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.
  • Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
  • Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way.
  • Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
  • Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
  • Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school, or something else you can identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and look for a pattern.
  • Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a physician or therapist for professional help.

Fitness Tips: Stay Healthy, Manage Stress

For the biggest benefits of exercise, try to include at least 2½ hours of moderate-intensity physical activity (e.g. brisk walking) each week, 1¼ hours of a vigorous-intensity activity (such as jogging or swimming laps), or a combination of the two.

  • 5 X 30: Jog, walk, bike, or dance three to five times a week for 30 minutes.
  • Set small daily goals and aim for daily consistency rather than perfect workouts. It’s better to walk every day for 15-20 minutes than to wait until the weekend for a three-hour fitness marathon. Lots of scientific data suggests that frequency is most important.
  • Find forms of exercise that are fun or enjoyable. Extroverted people often like classes and group activities. People who are more introverted often prefer solo pursuits.
  • Distract yourself with an iPod or other portable media player to download audiobooks, podcasts, or music. Many people find it’s more fun to exercise while listening to something they enjoy.
  • Recruit an “exercise buddy.” It’s often easier to stick to your exercise routine when you have to stay committed to a friend, partner, or colleague.
  • Be patient when you start a new exercise program. Most sedentary people require about four to eight weeks to feel coordinated and sufficiently in shape so that exercise feels easier.


Do Some Math
Using a scale of one to 10, with one being the equivalent of a minor hassle and 10 being a true catastrophe, assign a number to whatever it is that’s making you feel anxious. “You’ll find that most problems we encounter rate somewhere in the two to five range—in other words, they’re really not such a big deal,” says Dr. Elkin.
Say Cheese
Smiling is a two-way mechanism. We do it when we’re relaxed and happy, but doing it can also make us feel relaxed and happy. “Smiling transmits nerve impulses from the facial muscles to the limbic system, a key emotional center in the brain, tilting the neurochemical balance toward calm,” Dr. Cooper explains. Go ahead and grin. Don’t you feel better already?
Compose a Mantra
Devise an affirmation — a short, clear, positive statement that focuses on your coping abilities. “Affirmations are a good way to silence the self-critical voice we all carry with us that only adds to our stress,” Dr. Elkin says. The next time you feel as if your life is one disaster after another, repeat 10 times, “I feel calm. I can handle this.”

Check Your Chi
Qigong (pronounced chee-gong) is a 5,000-year-old Chinese practice designed to promote the flow of chi, the vital life force that flows throughout the body, regulating its functions. Qigong master Ching-Tse Lee, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Brooklyn College in New York, recommends this calming exercise: Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and parallel. Bend your knees to a quarter-squat position (about 45 degrees) while keeping your upper body straight. Observe your breathing for a couple of breaths. Inhale and bring your arms slowly up in front of you to shoulder height with your elbows slightly bent. Exhale, stretching your arms straight out. Inhale again, bend your elbows slightly and drop your arms down slowly until your thumbs touch the sides of your legs. Exhale one more time, then stand up straight.

 Be a Fighter

“At the first sign of stress, you often hear people complain, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’” says Dr. Cooper. The trouble is, feeling like a victim only increases feelings of stress and helplessness. Instead, focus on being proactive. If your flight gets canceled, don’t wallow in self-pity. Find another one. If your office is too hot or too cold, don’t suffer in silence. Call the building manager and ask what can be done to make things more comfortable.

Warm Up
Try this tip from David Sobel, M.D., in San Jose, CA, author of The Healthy Mind, Healthy Body Handbook (I S H K Book Service, 1997) : Rub your hands together vigorously until they feel warm. Then cup them over your closed eyes for five seconds while you breathe deeply. The warmth and darkness are comforting.

 Shake It Up
This quick exercise helps loosen the muscles in your neck and upper back, says Dr. Sobel: Stand or sit, stretch your arms out from your sides and shake your hands vigorously for about 10 seconds. Combine this with a little deep breathing, Dr. Sobel says, and you’ll do yourself twice as much good.

Munch Some Snacks
Foods that are high in carbohydrates stimulate the release of serotonin, feel-good brain chemicals that help induce calm, says Dr. Cooper. Crackers, pretzels, or a bagel should do the trick.

Take a Walk
It forces you to breathe more deeply and improves circulation, says Dr. Cooper. Step outside if you can; if that’s not possible, you can gain many of the same benefits simply by walking to the bathroom or water cooler, or by pacing back and forth. “The key is to get up and move,” Dr. Cooper says.

Straighten Up
When people are under stress, they slump over as if they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. “Slumping restricts breathing and reduces blood and oxygen flow to the brain, adding to muscle tension and magnifying feelings of panic and helplessness,” Dr. Cooper explains. Straightening your spine has just the opposite effect. It promotes circulation, increases oxygen levels in your blood and helps lessen muscle tension, all of which promote relaxation.

and this post has quite a bit as well

Hopefully I can turn this round as I hate feeling like this. It’s just not normal or healthy,

Thank you for reading


discover yourself to be a greater person…

JUMP FOR JOY Photo Project

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.” – Patanjali

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You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone

‘Whoever coined the phrase ‘You don’t know what you got till its gone.’ was talking about toilet paper, probably’



Once again everything is changing and it feels like it’s out of my control. I’ve been told change is for the better. I’m scared of change. Although this one I have been warned about the last time I didn’t get much warning and it didn’t work as well as I hoped. I kept making the wrong decisions because I couldn’t cope. I felt a failure and couldn’t admit it. I didn’t ask what was going on incase I was told that things weren’t working or worse they didn’t need me and they don’t. I spent money without thinking. I did things I didn’t need to, just felt I had to instead of saving and going to visit people.  I made these decisions, I wasn’t brave enough to ask for help. I let people use me.

Facebook is a good and a bad thing. It has connected me with family members who I have lost and reconnected with. It’s a secret world where you can pretend to be someone else. It creates a different version of you or keeps the one you were in the past on hold for people who knew you years ago. It can cause problems when reading things depending on how you’re feeling. Arguments or deep discussions are the worse thing when text based. I own up to doing it and regret it. Sometimes I can only convey myself via the written word. I couldn’t tell a good friend what had happened with Chris. I had to email him. How silly is that!!!!

Recently someone tried to add me as a friend on FB. It turns out it was an old boyfriend from Middlesbrough. Well, we lived in the same house and came from different parts of the country. I felt touched he wanted contact as I don’t think we parted on good terms. I apologised about what happen. We had both left home for the first time and had to deal with the pressure of coursework. All I remember is we didn’t spend enough time alone and then I had the shock of my friend Carly’s Death and then everything just came crashing down.  I’m always fond of my time at boro and remember it was something to do with this guy’s eyes (it’s always the eyes with me) and when I saw a picture of him and he hadn’t changed, I was blown away. I think that’s why I felt the need to say sorry.

Work has been my saviour it has been the one steady thing in the last five years and once or twice I’ve either lost it or nearly walked away because I couldn’t cope.  I’ve been told change is good and to embrace it. I think it’s because I’ve lost trust in myself again and in others. I am wary of things working out for the best. I now find myself acting oddly at work. this is not me. I don’t like it. I feel like a scared child.

Last night I watched the Big Bang Theory, I love that programme and my favourite episode is the one where Sheldon struggles to solve an equation/problem and at the end is in the ball pool popping up and shouting ‘BAZINGA!!’  I feel like shouting to.  I feel like 2013 is a write off and needs to be started again. Or do I wait until 2014? No. I need to get this mess sorted. I need to change I need to get out of this house and this mess. Just might need some help doing it.

After spending a day with my friend I saw a book in a series of the Game of Thrones. I had heard about it a bookclub and decided against it at first. Id already set myself a challenge this year of reading 33 books. (not working out very well) and thought the last two times I jumped on the bandwagon I didn’t enjoy it that much, one was Twilight, I know it’s teenage fiction but did she have to whinge about everything??? (oh wait that’s me) and then Fifty Shades. what a pile of &*%$£. So I was a bit sceptical about this but was advised by a couple of friends that the books are brilliant and the TV series aren’t too bad either. So I’m goign to give it a go and change a book on my list.

So on this first day of spring, I have let out my thoughts and if you have any advice or just want to tell me to stop moaning and kick myself up the bum, feel free. As at some point I’ll look at this and laugh 🙂

Thank you for reading