WARNING: Contains self-pity, swearing, moaning, and a positive ending
And don’t spend your time lookin’ around
For something you want that can’t be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin’ about it
I’ll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you
Baloo- Jungle Book -Disney film
These last seven days have been a right roller-coaster of emotions and I got to the point of just throwing my hands in the air and giving up.
I am sick of struggling with everything. Granted I don’t have it as bad as some people, but I would just like a break from the everyday grind of looking after myself and worrying about everything and anything. Luckily my replacement gas card turned up today,after I somehow lost it over the weekend, however the pin numbers for my card haven’t :(. I keep getting told I am a negative person and to stop being negative. This stems from my childhood, I can’t say why, but I am always nervous when things start to go well, as it always seems to come crashing down on me. I have tried so hard to shake it, and it looks like it’s come full circle again. Come on Helen, we were positive the other day. Damn it
Yesterday was ok, and today is my Dad’s 70th Birthday (I got this wrong last year so technically he’s 71) but I really needed to go house hunting again in the hope to find something and be ready to say bye-bye to this place within a month. Unfortunately it didn’t work that way. This morning I had an appointment to go to then decided to go for a coffee and just have some time away from everything and then off for lunch at The White Swan before an afternoon of house hunting, Apparently they had several houses to show me. A mystery tour, a bit like The Famous Five, as I was told on Twitter :).
Both in the coffee shop and the pub I felt the need to draw. I had seen a blog on here where someone uploaded there’s sketches and felt I needed to do some. I looked out the window and just did quick sketches of what I could see, trying not to concentrate on detail. I then went off to the pub and started looking at the Enid Blyton book the adventure of Scamp and did some more plus drawing what was on my table. It made me feel pretty good to be drawing again. Granted I didn’t think they were good at the time but I actually quite like them and intend to do some more.
So off to Headingley, I got there early so went off to look in the charity shops. I found two children’s books which might be on LBCPuffins list but one I would really like to read, which is the Wizard of Oz, I also got it because I liked the illustrations. I got these and the woman at the counter was disgusted at how cheap they were I let her keep the 25p change. I also bought a 5p ruler from Wilkinsons, I didn’t need it but it was 5p.
So onto the mystery tour, I turned up 5 mins early and there was a delay because the appointment before was asking twenty questions and they were three nervous teenagers looking for a new home. I know how they feel and I’m on my own.
Anyway after the introduction it turned out that there wasn’t five places but two and the first one was the cheapest and had two men living there one aged 40 and the other unknown. It was a lovely house, but needed a good paint job and the stairs were so steep they were almost verticle. The rooms available were fantastci size, but in the attic, They felt cold and the woodwork looked like it was damaged and horrible. 😦 I asked if we could see the others and he said no because it was younger lads who were messy and the price was higher and after meeting me didn’t think it would suit me. Fair enough, Another half day wasted. Buggar
I walked away, almost ready to burst into tears. But I thought sod it, let’s leave it for a week or two and get on with other stuff. I need to do some more photography, I need to read The Book Thief for Bookclub and all this stuff going on is effecting my ability to concentrate again. So let’s hope that when I’m not looking something will turn up and that each day brings something new and when it appears to fall apart, I’ll try not let it get to me.
I would like to thank my Mum for listening to me blub on the phone and giving me strength to get things sorted. To Rachel who has once again loved my blogs and to a lovely gentleman on Twitter called Martin who has been a sort of mentor these last few days.
So let’s get tea sorted and washing up done before Holby City comes on.
Thank you for reading.