I am still feeling pretty crappy. I have a build up of mucus on my ears which feels like they’re full of water and can hardly hear at times. I’ve been to the doctors just to check that nothing has crawled in there and for general health check. As usual with ‘virusus’ and colds they can knock you for six quite quickly, even though they are gradually building up and can take a few weeks to fully recover. I have a hacking cough that if I laugh or get up to quickly sends me into a choking fit. But other than that apart from everything taking twice as long to do I’m not dying, I just feel like death.
So today after being to the doctors I have been clearing the house. I need to move. I need to downsize and move in with other human beings. I have never in my life not been in a house with someone else, whether family, as a student or when I was in a relationship and now I think being on my own for two year its finally had an effect. Actually it happened quite a while back. I thought it would be a great idea to move into this house, it was same set-up as my own place, but unfortunately I was still acting as ‘two people’ instead of one and was completely naive about everything. When you live with someone, in my case a long term relationship you get used to someone else being there, they share the cost of bills the food, share in the housework and cooking and the company. When you’re on your own everything is solely down to you and it’s hard work and expensive. I should have waited. I should have gone into a smaller place on my own and not gone unfurnished. I should have been enjoying these last two years instead, I think I wasted them and being in such a big house on my own was a very silly idea. Don’t get me wrong it’s in a fantastic location, has a beautiful park and good amenities. Doctors are fantastic. But I have now grown to hate this house and getting off the bus at night and walking down the street fills me with dread and that upsets me. I’m not saying moving in with other people is going to be fantastic, that the fact I lose quite a bit in independence. I mean cooking and coming and going when I please. watching and listening to what I want, when I want. But I need to cut costs somehow and reducing the amount I pay on bills and rent is a start. And I believe a fresh start is in order.
The only problem I have now is getting rid of all the furniture and white goods and packing up my own stuff. It’s amazing how you can fill a space. How we get attached to stuff and how we keep stuff and never use it. I’ve just took 3 bags down the charity shop of weird items I’ve collected. Lots of cds I haven’t listened to in yonks, wine glasses, vases.
So this is to a new start and hopefully a new beginning and it better be a good one.
Thank you for reading