‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.’
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”
-Pride and Prejudice
The two sentences above are from my favourite film and book. My Sister told me the other day to stop reading books as I was moaning that I wished for a tall dark handsome stranger to whisk me off my feet. This is partly due to the obsession, yes I’ve said it with Colin Firth. Phwoar!!! I absolutely love him in BBC’s Pride and Prejudice, The King’s Speech and of course Bridget Jones. My sister then cheeked me and told me I only wanted somebody taller than me so he could reach the top self in the supermarket. Maybe so but I also think there’s something of feeling protected of a much taller man, and it looks cute. It then went on that I should look for someone younger! isn’t that a bit crazy? I don’t know.
Anyway it’s Thursday and my day off. I’m sat on the couch/sofa with my legs on the Ikea chair as my knee is hurting. Don’t know if it’s aggravated by how cold it is today and especially cold in my house. Have had the heating on and now it’s gone cool again. Bah! The last few weeks have been stressful, whether I’ve made it that way by not dealing with issues I can’t solve, With my knee playing up that I’m not getting enough sleep or thinking about the fact it’s nearly two years that I moved into this lovely little house. Yes, two years on my own and I’ve survived. I know lots of people live on their own, (if I’ve mentioned this before I’m sorry) But I can’t remember a time I haven’t shared a house full of people. I only got my own room once I left home to live in Middlesbrough to study graphic design. Recently I’ve hated living here. Hated coming back and it’s dark and gloomy. Washing up piling up in the sink. The house is cold as it’s on the wrong side of the street and gets hardly any sun. But the other morning I woke up and wondered what would I prefer? living with people I barely know like I did as a student. The other option is would I prefer to rent a place already furnished, so that I wouldn’t worry about replacing anything. I always said I wanted my own house with a garden and sofa and put my own touch on. I currently live in a rented unfurnished house so I’m half way there but I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right choice. I absolutely adore my sofa. it’s from Ikea and was on sale. It’s the most comfiest thing in the world when it’s not filled with cushions. But after all it’s just a material object. Strange how we get so attached to animate objects. It’s so frustrating.
Part of me keeps wishing fora win on the lotto, that would save all the problems. Well money wise anyway. It would attract lots of other problems to. They do say be careful what you wish for. Wish for lots of money to bring you happiness. It won’t be a true happiness as that I think can only come you and what you make of the situation. At the moment I’m feeling trapped. I feel like I’m going backwards rather than forwards. I want to hide under the duvet and tell the world to sod off at the moment. Everything is getting to expensive. Time is going to quickly and I keep procrastinating on Facebook and OCD over how my blog looks rather than typing and publishing it. Mental!!!! I need to go back to using my brain and get stuff written in my notebook, read more books and take up drawing or photography again. I need to stop waiting for the things to happen that I expect I should have from life and just enjoy it for what it is. and hopefully my knee will get better, I have a months worth of painkillers that i can’t pronounce the name of for my knee and if they don’t work it’s possibly a scan and physio. darn it! However the good news is I have low blood pressure (apparently I won’t have a heart attack anytime soon, that’s good to know I suppose. Eeks!) and I lost a pound in weight since last visit and so I bought a double chocolate cake from Patisserie Valerie. Anyway, I so wanted to do the York 10k (For the third time) and the Great North (for the first time) next year (it may still happen) 😦 oh and did you know you can buy worming tablets from the chemist???? So I just need to get through Christmas, which I’m dreading, as it’s the busiest time of year for us and I maybe in Leeds on my own eating pizza or whatever I have in by that point. 😦
I’ve been looking at charities for the Great North Run. One is for Cystic Fibrosis, I lost a friend to it over 12 years ago. Carly was my best friend and it was her who I started going out drinking with. We had some amazing times and I feel I let her down at the end. I just hope she forgives me.The other charity is Guide Dogs for the blind. A family friend called David Paterson had two sons. Ian and Kevin. We were all very close Kevin has Cerebal Palsy and Epilepsy and is blind, and David used to do a lot of fundraising for the guide dogs, I might be wrong but it think he did the Great North run to raise money to. I would like to do it in honour of them.
So to end. Today has been quite good. I got some things from HMV that I wasn’t expecting to get, a Barack Obama book for 50p. ‘How to make friends and alienate people’ for £2 (I think there is a friend theme running through this week and it’s spooky!. ‘The perks of being a wallflower’ book and ‘The Best of Motorhead’ Cd in the 2 for £10 offer. I enjoyed my double chocolate cake from the posh cake shop and felt very special unwrapping the pretty tied box. Felt very sick from eating it and there’s a third of it left in the fridge. I’ve had my hair cut and it feels rather trendy, I keep swishing my head around to make it flick out. so silly. I’ve looked at all the books piling up that I have to read. and I’ve gone through a silly phase again where in a space of a week I’ve been buying books from charity shops, the market and HMV & I really shouldn’t as it won’t help my to read list or my decluttering. I need to read quicker!!!
So in the words of Chesney Hawkes (God bless him) ‘I am the one and only, Nobody I’d rather be ,I am the one and only,You can’t take that away from me.’ as no matter how I try to change it doesn;t work. I’ll stick with improving myself and being content with who I am, what I can do. And for the few friends I have in my life, in Pudsey,Leeds & Norwich, you are like family to me and mean the world to me and thank you so much for the help you’ve given me in the last few weeks. I promise one day I’ll pay you back. xxx P.S. to my little sister that includes you to. 😀 xxx