Monthly Archives: September 2012

‘Find me somebody to love’ & who loves me for me in return

‘Everyday – I try and I try and I try – 
But everybody wants to put me down 
They say I’m goin’ crazy 
They say I got a lot of water in my brain 
Got no common sense 
I got nobody left to believe 
Yeah – yeah yeah yeah 

Oh Lord 
Somebody – somebody 
Can anybody find me somebody to love? 

Got no feel, I got no rhythm 
I just keep losing my beat 
I’m ok, I’m alright 
Ain’t gonna face no defeat 
I just gotta get out of this prison cell 
Someday I’m gonna be free, Lord! 

Find me somebody to love 
Can anybody find me somebody to love? ‘

Queen – Somebody to love.

My Starsign(s)

Aquarius -Traditional, Aquarian Traits, Friendly and humanitarian, Honest and loyal,Original and inventive, Independent and intellectual. Bad Points-Intractable and contrary, Perverse and unpredictable, Unemotional and detached

Capricorn – Practical and prudent, Ambitious and disciplined, Patient and careful, Humorous and reserved. Bad points- Pessimistic and fatalistic,Miserly and grudging.

How Emotions effect our everyday workings:

(from the web)

How emotions effect what we decide 

http://www.searchengineworkshops.com/articles/stop-exploiting-emotions1.html

Emotion is often associated and considered reciprocally influential withmood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation, as well as influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters such asdopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin and cortisol. Emotion is often the driving force behind motivation, positive or negative.

Emotion- A mental state that does not arise through free will, and that and is often accompanied by physiological changes’

“Loneliness can also be empowering – teaching you the things you appreciate about yourself and the things you have to offer someone else.”

Interesting bloghttp://bipolarbear.co.nz/2012/09/26/lessons-in-loneliness/

Image
What we can feel at any moment
(from the web)

The reason for this blog is because I’m trying to understand why I feel like everything is crashing down around me. It’s not. things are still as they are. My house is a mess which is probably one thing niggling at me. I’ve been dealing with some news lately that I’ve not been able to handle & really didn’t know who to share with. My biggest, biggest problem is I don’t know how to sort things out that are going through my head unless I can talk to someone or go for a run. But at the moment I don’t, I can’t do one due to my bad knees and the other seems impossible. And now I keep crumbling into a mess and I really don’t know what to do. antidepressants are not the answer. I did that when I was 20 and for me it just numbed me. My problem at the moment is I feel like I’ve taken twenty steps back to two years ago. I ended up on my own and felt lost. I’m 32 and I’m not where I want to be or should be. The only secure thing is my job/career. My main love (apart from Colin Firth,running,cake and books oh and driving if I get back to it) is my job. I just love being creative and people relying on little old me to create a t-shirt of mug for their office desk.  I’m scared and lonely. Living on your own isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. it took me ages to accept it and realise no one else was in the house. (think it’s why I hate back-to-backs now, always noises). It’s hard work. there’s the up-keep of the house. The bills!! The shopping. and the chuffing washing up! I know I’m not alone and other people live on their own and cope, but I’m always better when surrounded by people. Or I think I am, I feel more relaxed. I don’t know a time where I haven’t lived in a house full of people.

I feel so mixed up at the moment. This weather is doing my nut in. It’s almost three weeks since my knee was seen to and then I hurt my back. But my body seems to be getting worse due to the weather. I hate pain. I have a low pain threshold. I feel like a big crybaby. So much has changed this year and I’ve not been able to accept it. My brain decides it’s going to do it’s safety trigger and and just switch off my memory in times of stress. I was fine before two years ago and now when I get worked up over anything I forget stuff instantly, I can put something down and forget what I’ve done. It’s mental!

The reason for the star sign information is because I’ve been working out who I am and what I’m like and what ‘outside forces’ effect us. I am classed as an Aquarian but apparently I’m on the cusp of Capricorn. When I (rarely) read the Capricorn and Aquarian starsigns it’s spooky how true they can be to how I’m feeling. Sometimes I try to do it at the end of the day to see if it’s true. Because things can get in your subconscious and effect how/who you are, it effects your emotions.  Like when you’re growing up, we always say we don’t want to be like our parents but we take traits from them without realising and it becomes a part of who you are.

We’re led to believe that life should be a certain way. We grow up with expectations, from our family from tv,films and books. We’re going to marry someone one day, find our prince charming, have kids, house, car, good job and life will be all peachy. But sometimes it doesn’t work out like that and we have to accept what happens or what we’re given. I have a lot of experiences,achievements and memories that I’ll treasure but I want so much more. Mainly to be debt free, own a car again, my own house and be loved by someone, who will enjoy simple things in life, to share things and most of all look out for me and take care of me. Because I don’t think I’m doing a good a job at the moment.

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‘Just Keep Swimming’

My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” taken from one of my fave films- Forest Gump

It was my day off today. My plans changed slightly this morning and I ended up waiting to see if the gas check man was coming because both him and the landlord have great communication skills. they just turn up and fix it, if I’m in that is.  It’s been a long week, both mentally and physically. I can’t wait until Saturday at 5:30pm as I have two days off together. first time in ages (I think). I can’t wait. I’m finding hard to switch off lately and when I do and I’ve forgotten about everything I feel good until things creep in again and I feel a sense of guilt for relaxing and enjoying myself. Hence why I wanted to go to my favourite indoor place…Ikea. I love Ikea. If, sorry when I get a chance to own my own place majority of it will be filled with Ikea. I can never go to Ikea and not by candles and I don’t need them I just have to have them. I decided I needed another spotty cushion. I don’t know why I’ve become so obsessed with spots/dots lately but I love them. I also love my blue duvet cover and wonder if the pattern could be made into wallpaper. I also like blue. I don’t know why but it’s my favourite colour. at one point it was purple but I think it’s always been blue. any new tops seem to be blue. I’ve gone off track. I now have 3 spotty cushions and love the fact I have so many cushions I can’t sit on the sofa :D. I also had the urge/need to have a hotdog. and it’s one of those things where you think it’ll be amazing until you have it and it wasn’t as good as you thought 🙂 that’s why drink and hotdog was £1.10. same as having two donuts with a coffee until you’ve picked the most sickilist and eaten them to quick. 🙂

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do?
Marlin: No I don’t wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I’m stuck with that song… Now it’s in my head.
Dory: Sorry.   from Finding Nemo -Walt Disney

One thing today I realised I would be no good in a quiz. My brain isn’t quick enough. 😀 I had seen an advert on tv and it had all the bond characters in it and I was talking to a friend and can’t for the life of me remember the conversation but remember saying ‘oh like Craig David in James Bond advert?’ and then this afternoon saw a programme called ‘life in books’ now unless I look it up her name was Pamela Stephenson and I said to my friend I recognise I think she was strictly come dancing. No came the answer. But is she not Mick Jagger’s wife. No came the answer again. Well who is she. From a country I heard and my brain went Rod Stewart from America. Apparently he’s Scottish and the woman was married to Billy Connolly.

Once again I have procrastinated (lovely long word) and felt the need to organise my blog and write something. I really need to be reading my book as the pile for bookclubs is getting bigger and today I bought four books from the charity shop for £2!!! £2 absolute bargain!! so what I really need to do is get back to the important thing and finish reading Stardust otherwise I’ll never get through my to read list of a zillion books!!!!

Thank you for reading

xxx